Posts Tagged ‘Hillary Clinton’
After Obama had moved into the White House and George and I had retired to stud – fat chance – in Crawford Texas, I found myself with the Bushes at one of those huge social gatherings for Washington wankers.
I love them. It affords the chance to sniff out the rich and famous, pick up all the juicy goss and munch on all the tasty morsels that people throw away when no-one’s looking.
George and Laura were talking to some crashing bores so I wandered off and spotted the Obamas. Normally I wouldn’t take too much notice because I’m not that partial to democrats but I noticed they had their dog with them.
Portuguese water dogs are not usually the brightest bonzos in the kennel and well below Scottish Terriers in the pedigree pecking order but this one looked quite sharp.
I sauntered casually over for a sniff and a yap but as I approached he said ‘Hi, you’re Barney aren’t you?’
I wasn’t shocked, more like totally, utterly, comprehensively and unforgettably gobsmacked. But I managed to recall his name.
‘Bo’ I said ‘I had no idea you could talk like me. Where on earth did you learn the lingo?’
‘I took a dogtorate in English and Politics at Hound-Dog High’ said Bo ‘By the way I heard you were a senior adviser to Bush’
‘How on earth do you know that?’ I asked
‘I found out from a mate who knew that bitch at the Clintons’ said Bo
‘He didn’t score with her did he?’ I asked anxiously
‘Only once’ said Bo ‘but he told me it was the consummate canine copulation’
‘Damn’ I said ‘I missed out again. My sex life happens about as frequently as the Chicago Cubs play in a World Series’
‘Look’ said Bo ‘I’d love to get a gig as adviser to Obama. How should I go about it?’
‘Have you got access to a computer and a dog and bone?’ I asked
‘No problem’ said Bo
‘Well then’ I said ‘I can put you on a presidential adviser crash training programme and then you can front Obama and tell him if you don’t get appointed you’ll accuse Rahm Emanuel of animal cruelty’
‘That’s brilliant’ said Bo ‘he’s already tried to kick me twice’
‘Does Obama know you can talk?’ I asked
‘No’ said Bo
‘Good’ I said ‘keep it that way for now. There’s always the danger you could end up advertising dog food or doing a TV commentary on dog shows. One other thing. I used to write a series of Shaggy Dog Stories for Friday Mash describing the momentous events in my life with George. Why don’t you take it over?’
‘Friday Mash!’ said Bo ‘that would be great. One thing though, I’m not really a democrat’
‘Keep this to yourself’ I said ‘but neither is Obama’
Tags: Barack Obama humor, Barack Obama satire, Bill Clinton, Bo, George Bush satire, George W Bush humor, Hillary Clinton, Rahm Emanuel, Shaggy Dog Stories
Posted in Bo and Big O | No Comments »
2nd July 2010
Dear Julia,
Congratulations on becoming PM. We’re all so thrilled here to have a woman in charge I can’t tell you.
You’re not going to believe this but not only so we now have a female Governor–General, a female prime minister, a female governor of NSW and a female premier but I have just been elected president of the Beauthaven ALP Branch. How about that? And just like you I knifed a man to get the job.
I don’t know about you but I think its great to have the joint run by a clique of sexy stylish women like us rather than a bunch of old fartbags.
And here’s the really great news. At the branch meeting this week it was decided to establish in your honour a female faction within the Beauthaven Branch and call it Gillard’s Girls. I knew you’d be stoked.
That’s not all. We decided to send you a Confidential Weekly Newsletter which will give you loads of stuff about what’s going on in the real working families world as well as critical strategic and policy conclusions arising from our think tank sessions.
And it’s such a shame you live in Melbourne and work in Canberra. Don’t worry though, we’ll send you all the latest goss from super Sydney so you don’t miss out.
Our dynamic group founded the world’s first Obama Fan Club and for the past year have been sending him weekly newsletters from Australia. It has been a great honour to work for the President and I know both he and Hillary found our stuff invaluable. He’ll probably be a bit miffed when he realises that Kevin is not the only national leader to be dumped for you.
You don’t mind if I address you as ‘Julia’ do you? We feel as though we know you so well and I always addressed letters to your predecessor ‘Dear Kevin’ and he didn’t seem to mind.
The Gillard’s Girls faction consists of Madge, Marge, Mildred, Mavis, Elsie, Gert, Audrey, Dot, Beryl, Joyce, Maude and me. My mother’s still thinking of joining but she still can’t get John Howard out of her system. We tried syrup of figs but even that didn’t work.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re all rapt about your promotion but I have to say we’re concerned about how poor Kevin was treated. As a humane gesture I think you should talk to the NSW Right about opening a rehabilitation clinic for Morris Iemma, Nathan Rees and Kevin and don’t forget you and Kristina could need treatment there one day.
I know you say Kevin lost his way but instead of calling him in for a pitstop to fill his tanks, inflate his tyres and hand him a Gregorys, you simply turned off his power and punctured his ego.
A bit of advice if I may. The Gillard’s Girls faction is aligned with the NSW Right. After they helped to power-broke you to PM we knew it was ok to support you despite the fact you’re a bit of a leftie. But we know what a pack of bastards they can be. So if Mark Arbib doesn’t get a cabinet position soon I’d ask the police for one of those bullet-proof vests.
Anyway we’re so proud of you we decided to make you an honorary member of Gillard’s Girls and we’ve even waived your membership fee. And don’t worry about us, we’re not into power-broking.
Watch out for our first Weekly Newsletter in a week’s time.
Go Gillard Girls.
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Gaelene Woo, Gillard’s Girls, Hillary Clinton, John Howard satire, Julia Gillard humour, Kevin Rudd satire, Kristina Keneally humour, Mark Arbib humour, Morris Iemma, Nathan Rees satire
Posted in Gillard's Girls | 1 Comment »
Story No.38
After Obama had moved into the White House and George and I had retired to stud – fat chance – in Crawford Texas, I found myself with the Bushes at one of those huge social gatherings for Washington wankers.
I love them. It affords the chance to sniff out the rich and famous, pick up all the juicy goss and munch on all the tasty morsels that people throw away when no-one’s looking.
George and Laura were talking to some crashing bores so I wandered off and spotted the Obamas. Normally I wouldn’t take too much notice because I’m not that partial to democrats but I noticed they had their dog with them.
Portuguese water dogs are not usually the brightest bonzos in the kennel and well below Scottish Terriers in the pedigree pecking order but this one looked quite sharp.
I sauntered casually over for a sniff and a yap but as I approached he said ‘Hi, you’re
Barney aren’t you?’
I wasn’t shocked, more like totally, utterly, comprehensively and unforgettably gobsmacked. But I managed to recall his name.
‘Bo’ I said ‘I had no idea you could talk like me. Where on earth did you learn the lingo?’
‘I took a dogtorate in English and Politics at Hound-Dog High’ said Bo ‘By the way I heard you were a senior adviser to Bush’
‘How on earth do you know that?’ I asked
‘I found out from a mate who knew that bitch at the Clintons’ said Bo
‘He didn’t score with her did he?’ I asked anxiously
‘Only once’ said Bo ‘but he told me it was the consummate canine copulation’
‘Damn’ I said ‘I missed out again. My sex life happens about as frequently as the Chicago Cubs play in a World Series’
‘Look’ said Bo ‘I’d love to get a gig as adviser to Obama. How should I go about it?’
‘Have you got access to a computer and a dog and bone?’ I asked
‘No problem’ said Bo
‘Well then’ I said ‘I can put you on a presidential adviser crash training programme and then you can front Obama and tell him if you don’t get appointed you’ll accuse Rahm Emanuel of animal cruelty’
‘That’s brilliant’ said Bo ‘he’s already tried to kick me twice’
‘Does Obama know you can talk?’ I asked
‘No’ said Bo
‘Good’ I said ‘keep it that way for now. There’s always the danger you could end up advertising dog food or doing a TV commentary on dog shows. One other thing. I used to write a series of Shaggy Dog Stories for Friday Mash describing the momentous events in my life with George. Why don’t you take it over?’
‘Friday Mash!’ said Bo ‘that would be great. One thing though, I’m not really a democrat’
‘Keep this to yourself’ I said ‘but neither is Obama’
Tags: Barack Obama humor, Bill Clinton, Bo, Bush and Barney, George Bush satire, George W Bush humor, Hillary Clinton, Rahm Emanuel
Posted in Bush and Barney | 1 Comment »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
25th June 2010
Dear Mr President,
Prepare yourself for a shock. On second thoughts prepare for a few of them.
Kevin’s been knifed. I know, I couldn’t believe it myself. And here’s the hard part for me. The main people who did it were the NSW Right. So my heroes have knifed my knight in shining armour – after you of course.
I sat down, had a good cry, a couple of gin and tonics and pulled myself together. You know how much I loved Kevin but the party’s bigger than people.
I called an immediate meeting of the Obama Fan Club to discuss what we should do.
First we decided to send a letter of condolence to Kevin thanking him for his fine contribution to Australia and inviting him to come and give us a keynote address. That should perk him up a bit.
Then we decided that we should support Julia because if the NSW Right backed her in she can’t be all that bad of a leftie; not the loony sort anyway.
Now I don’t think I’ve told you this but I’ve recently been made president of the Beauthaven Branch of the Australian Labor Party. Pretty impressive huh? Mildred suggested that I should get a group of women together in the branch to support the first female Aussie prime minister. That was adopted unanimously by the women in the Club and rejected by the men who were outvoted.
So we’ve created the Gillard Girls faction of the Beauthaven ALP Branch and we’ve resolved to give Julia every possible help just like we’ve given you.
Now I come to my next shock. This new direction means that we won’t be able to maintain regular meetings of the Obama Fan Club and this will be the last regular Newsletter from Australia.
I know how much you’ll be disappointed because you’ve come to rely so heavily on our stuff. I hope you’ll understand, however, that we feel the ALP and Julia need us more than you do.
By the way I’d appreciate you breaking the news to Hillary because she’s come to rely on us so much as well. Wonderful woman.
As a final gesture I asked the Club members if they’d got any brilliant ideas on how to tackle your oil spill. Madge suggested issuing an oil-can to every American and sending them down to the Gulf of Mexico to fill them up. That way the Gulf gets cleaned up and everyone gets a free can of oil.
And Neville suggested each can could carry the slogan ‘Yes we oil-can’. What an idiot.
Mildred asked me the other day if I could imagine Tony Abbott as prime minister of Australia. I couldn’t at first but when I forced myself it came as such a shock that I had to have a sit down. That’s why Gillard’s Girls have got to step up to the plate. I’m into baseball as well you know.
It’s been an honour to be of such great service to you. Don’t hesitate to ask if there’s ever anything that requires our special expertise. But your mate Jeff Bleich the ambassador should be able to step up and take on the extra responsibility.
Have a great rest of your presidency and we’ll keep in touch.
Toodle-oo for now,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Barack Obama humor, BP oil leak, Gaelene Woo, Gillard Girls, Hillary Clinton, Jeff Bleich, Julia Gillard humour, Kevin Rudd satire, Tony Abbott satire
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 1 Comment »
Story No. 37
‘George’ I said ‘who do you think will be the Republican Party’s presidential nominee in 2008?’
‘Interesting question’ said George ‘it definitely wont be me’
‘Thank goodness for that’ I thought. It wasn’t so much that I thought George didn’t measure up president-wise, rather that I thought he’d done his dash.
‘It wont be Dick Cheney will it?’ I asked anxiously
‘Dick’s a fine man’ said George ‘but there’s a general feeling that as president he would start World War III’
‘What about Newt Gingrich?’ I asked
‘Admirable man’ said George ‘and great Speaker of the House. But I think he’s found God and is trying to persuade him to become a disciple’
‘I like John McCain’ I said
‘Outstanding candidate’ said George ‘but needs a bit of mongrel in him like you’
‘I beg your pardon George’ I said ‘there’s nothing mongrel about me’
‘Sorry Barney’ said George ‘I just have the feeling that if he’s nominated he’ll choose a really loony running mate. But he’s a hero just like me’
‘Do you think Condi is interested?’ I asked
‘Incredibly talented’ said George ‘but she’s a woman and what’s more she’s uh…’
‘Black?’ I suggested
‘Yes that too’ said George ‘I’d like to see Rudy Giuliani get the nod’
‘You can’t be serious’ I said ‘even I would get profiled for being black’
‘Fred Thompson’s such a nice guy’ said George
‘He certainly is’ I said ‘but he’s not a good enough actor to play Ronald Reagan. What about Mike Huckabee?’
‘Great state governor’ said Goerge ‘but a shame about that hillbilly name’
‘I think he’s one to watch’ I said ‘nice guys sometimes finish first like you George’. Sometimes I’ve got no shame.
‘You’re not going to suggest Ron Paul’s got a chance are you?’ asked George
‘No probably not’ I said ‘He’d probably do better in the Democratic race’
‘That only leaves Mitt Romney’ said George ‘He might make president one day’
‘He needs to take himself a bit less seriously’ I said ‘and he’s another of those ex-governors who still believe the president runs the country rather than the Washington bureaucracy’
‘It looks like Hillary will get the Democratic nomination’ said George
‘I wouldn’t be too sure’ I said ‘that Obama guy’s coming on strong’
‘But’ said George ‘he’s uh…’
‘Black’ I said
‘He’d never make a good president’ said George ‘he’s got no background in oil like me. He would be hopeless in an oil crisis’
Tags: Barack Obama humor, Barney, BP oil leak, Condi Rice, Dick Cheney satire, Fred Thompson, George W Bush humor, Hillary Clinton, John McCain satire, Mike Huckabee humor, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich humor, Ron Paul, Ronald Reagan, Rudy Giuliani humor
Posted in Bush and Barney | 3 Comments »
Story No. 31
‘Now then Barney’ said George ‘I need your advice on my Inauguration Speech. I was thinking about a triumphal address with the theme ‘bury Kerry and downwards with Edwards’
‘Come on George’ I said ‘this is no time to be vindictive. It calls for magnanimity in victory. Kerry and Edwards may be the biggest non-event since the Bay of Pigs but this is a time of healing to proclaim a presidency which will not only unite the peoples of America but of the whole world’
‘Good heavens’ said George ‘where on earth did you get that bullshit from? You must have been watching old Ronald Reagan B movies’
‘No George’ I said ‘it was part of my acceptance address when I was elected Chief Barker at the Top Dog Congress last year. Of course I was talking about dogs but I believe there’s no reason why people can’t also come together in a civilized way’
‘Don’t get me wrong here Barney’ said George ‘I’m talking about a speech which reinforces my reputation as leader of the free world’
‘Yes I know’ I said ‘but it’s a question of whether you want to come across as just having won the Denver dwarf-throwing final or the US Presidency’
‘I see what you mean’ said George ‘reconciliator rather than terminator’
‘Right on George’ I said ‘your theme should be leading the world to a new era of freedom and democracy’
‘I like it’ said George ‘no people will live under the yoke of tyranny while I’m in office’
‘Except’ I said ‘Al Qaeda, the Washington Press Gallery, the Clintons, North Korea, Iran, Al Gore, the Taliban, left wing loonies in Hollywood, Michael Moore and Don Rumsfeld’
‘Why Don Rumsfeld?’ Asked George
‘Because he’s too dangerous to allow out on his own’ I responded ‘and what’s more he’s a racist. I heard him tell someone that he didn’t like Scottish Terriers’
‘I shall reassure everyone who has lost their freedom’ said George ‘that I shall not rest until their democratic rights are restored’
‘What about the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay?’ I asked
‘Oh they’re different’ said George ‘they’re not people they’re terrorists’
‘Osama bin Laden and Nancy Pelosi don’t agree’ I said ‘and what about all those guys renditioned by the CIA to covert overseas arm-twisting centres?’
‘Well only because that sort of thing isn’t allowed in the US’ said George ‘You’re not on their side are you?’
‘No George’ I said ‘it’s just that when I see Cheney, Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz together sometimes I need to remind myself that we’re on the side of the good guys’
‘Ok’ said George ‘so my Inauguration Speech will be about freedom and democracy for ninety-nine percent of people’
‘Ninety-eight point eight’ I said ‘I forgot that the Chicago Democrats are a terrorist organisation’
Tags: Al Gore, Al Qaeda, Bay of Pigs, Bill Clinton, Bush & Barney, Bush and Barney, Chicago Democrats, CIA, Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, George Bush, George W Bush, Guantanamo Bay, Hillary Clinton, Iran, John Edwards, John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, Osama Bin Laden, rendition, Roger Pugh, Ronald Reagan, Taliban, Wolfowitz
Posted in Bush and Barney | 4 Comments »
Story No: 27
‘Do you know Barney’ said George ‘there are people around who think I’m not going to win this election’
‘Thank heavens’ I thought to myself ‘he’s finally got the message’
George had been living in the White House cocoon for months signing papers and chatting to other heads of state and blissfully unaware that a large body of opinion in the country perceived another four years with him as President would be like playing a whole season for Detroit Lions.
‘The Democrats are calling me all sorts of names’ he went on ‘like dumbass, dimwit and dickless’
‘I wouldn’t worry about it George’ I said ‘I’ve heard them say far worse than that. After all everyone makes mistakes like you referring to the leader of Al Qaeda as Osama Bin Garden’
‘I did it on purpose’ said George ‘because he’s a big piece of dirt’
‘And what about when you asked the Pope if he’s a Catholic?’ I said
‘Well’ said George ‘Dick Cheney asked me that question when I asked him if he was interested in Iraqi oil and I didn’t know the answer’
‘What did the Pope say?’ I asked
‘Oh he just asked me if I was a republican’ said George ‘I said yes but confessed I’d forgotten to pay my annual party membership fee and I had to say two Hail Marys’
‘Look George’ I said ‘the problem is that John Kerry claims you don’t know what you’re doing in Iraq and Afghanistan’
‘That’s not true’ said George ‘Don Rumsfeld briefed me yesterday’
‘It’s just that things seem to be drifting a bit in Afghanistan’ I said
‘I’m waiting for Pakistan to step up to the plate’ said George
‘Sorry George’ I said ‘they play cricket in Pakistan so they don’t step up to the plate they go in to bat’
‘Ok’ said George ‘and I’m waiting for Spain to go in to bat in Iraq’
‘No George’ I said ‘they do bull fighting in Spain so they grab the bull by the horns’
‘Look’ said George ‘do you mind if we stick with stepping up to the plate. All this foreign stuff confuses me. It’s like travelling with the Redskins to away matches’
‘George’ I said ‘the key to winning this election is presenting you as the terrorist terminator and John Kerry as a wimp who showboats rather than swiftboats’
‘How does Dick Cheney stack up against John Edwards?’ asked George
‘What a question’ I thought ‘it was like comparing Planet of the Apes with Sex Lies and Videotape’
‘I think he stacks up ok’ I said ‘Dick takes a bit off the top while John likes a bit on the side’
‘Look’ said George ‘I know I’m not perfect but at least I don’t crap on the White House lawn like you’
‘George’ I said ‘I only do it because you’re not allowed to and only because the lawn needs fertilising or Dick Cheney walks past’
‘All of us who make it to the top in politics have crosses to bear’ said George ‘for example Hillary’s got a Bill she can’t settle and she’s had to pay it over and over again’
‘Blimey’ I thought ‘George has suddenly become both a wit and a philosopher. He might win this election after all’
Tags: Al Qaeda, Bill Clinton, Bush & Barney, Bush and Barney, Democrats, Detroit Lions, Dick Cheney, Don Rumsfeld, George Bush, George W Bush, Hillary Clinton, Iraqi oil, John Edwards, Osama Bin Laden, Pakistan, President of USA, The Pope, US President, White House
Posted in Bush and Barney | No Comments »
No longer in their prime
It’s so stimulating when former prime ministers re-enter the political debate.
After a long pregnancy Malcolm Fraser has finally gone into Labor. John Howard is claiming that Tony Abbott is his clone and has sparked an urgent undercover mission to find and destroy the laboratory responsible.
Paul Keating is all bananas and no republic.
Fair and unbalanced
There was a wonderful interlude recently on Lateline. See: http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/201003/r533047_3045728.asx
Tony Jones asked Stephen Conroy the Minister for Communications if he knew anyone at the ABC who was prejudiced against climate change sceptics. Incredibly Stephen answered in the negative. They obviously haven’t been introduced.
Canberra confidential
The Federal Government is refusing to release the Henry Tax Review and the National Broadband Network Review. If early indications are anything to go by they’re welcome to keep the Budget to themselves as well.
It’s really the pits
Hillary cancelled, Yudhoyono postponed once and now Obama’s done it twice. Surely it’s time Kevin’s best friend took him aside for some personal advice.
Acting minister
The home insulation scheme tragedy is now into its second act. As Arts Minister Peter Garrett should fund a stage production.
Termination of terminals
The Sydney Metro was Nathan Rees’ conception but Kristina exercised a woman’s choice by opting for a half billion dollar abortion.
There’s no accounting for it
Obama managed to get the healthcare bill passed but paying it could send the US bankrupt.
Worm droppings
In the great hospitals debate it was sad that the worm didn’t find Tony’s crack about Kevin being the parliamentary anaesthetist at all amusing. Furthermore it was most noticeable that from that point the worm went to sleep while Tony was talking.
Tags: ABC, abortion, Barack Obama, healthcare, Henry Tax Review, Hillary Clinton, home insulation scheme, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Kristina Keneally, Lateline, Malcolm Fraser, Nathan Rees, Paul Keating, Peter Garrett, President Obama, Stephen Conroy, Sydney Metro, the Worm, Tony Abbott, Tony Jones, US bankrupt, Yudhoyono
Posted in Carbon Emissions | 14 Comments »
No Interest
No wonder the Reserve Bank doesn’t have any customers. It’s always the first to raise interest rates.
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Full Montys
Everyone who turned up at the Opera House with their gear off had parts in the mass nude shoot. Most of them were private.
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The Right Prescription
Kevin’s hospitals plan is very timely. People are beginning to get sick of him.
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A Suitable Case for Treatment
State governments running hospitals are not good for our health, the federal-state shared responsibility structure is a bigger health threat than smoking, and giving Nicola Roxon sole charge of hospitals would make Peter Garrett look like an expert on safety in the home.
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A Candidate for Premier
It is difficult to ascertain if Michelle Chantelois is a candidate in the upcoming South Australian election. Most commentators, however, agree that she’s an also-Rann.
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A Really Sorry Day
Political strategists believe it will be another six months before Kevin starts apologising for his hospitals plan.
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The Name Game
Hugo Chavez recently called Hillary Clinton ‘the blond Condoleezza’. How outrageous. The next thing he‘ll be calling Obama ‘the black George W Bush’.
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Bad Taste
Following his sojourn in the outback Tony Abbott is undecided about which left the nastier taste in his mouth, Malcolm crossing the floor or witchetty grubs.
Tags: Barack Obama, Condoleezza Rice, George W Bush, Health, healthcare, Hillary Clinton, hospitals, Hugo Chavez, interest rates, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Michelle Chantelois, Mike Rann, Nicola Roxon, Opera House, Peter Garrett, President of US, RBA, Sorry, Tony Abbott, witchetty grubs
Posted in Carbon Emissions | No Comments »
Story No: 22
‘Now Barney’ said George, who was in one of his extraordinarily perky moods ‘I’m delivering the State of the Union Address in a couple of weeks. Any ideas about what I should say?’
If the truth be told I didn’t take the State of the Union gig all that seriously. It was really a theatrical feel-good extravaganza for George and all the hangers-on to reassure themselves that they are the greatest politicians in the world running the greatest country in the world. George could expect to be applauded at least seventy or eighty time during the speech for totally misleading everybody about what was actually going to happen.
‘George’ I said ‘this is your year to be truly inspirational. Tell them America is leading the way to a world free from carbon emissions, recessions, Saddam Hussein, Al Qaeda, Ahmadinejad, Rocky movies and Fred Snoggs’
‘But I like Rocky movies’ said George ‘I’m just sorry I never got to see one of his fights. By the way who is Fred Snoggs?’
‘He’s the chief dog-catcher in Washington DC’ I said ‘ Furthermore I recommend that you announce the opening of a new detention facility for terrorists at Guantanamo Bay’
‘Why on earth would we want to put it down there?’ asked George ‘Castro would be trying to shove his nose in’
‘Well I’m sure there would be room for him’ I said ‘but if you’re going to let the CIA loose with extreme measure like water-boarding, sleep deprivation and videos of Britney Spears concerts you don’t want liberals sniffing round the place. And Guantanamo Bay would really piss the liberals off because they couldn’t get down there to celebrate their ‘be nice to terrorists’ week.
‘Brilliant thinking Barney’ said George ‘now I thought I should also make a huge announcement about healthcare’
‘George’ I said ‘have you mislaid all your marbles? Healthcare is political disaster area. Remember what it did to Bill and Hillary? The strict rule for Republican Presidents is leave healthcare to the stuffed up by the Democrats like Kerry or Hillary or some nobody they resurrect out of Chicago. Republican Presidents specialise in stuffing up wars’.
‘That’s wonderfully perceptive Barney’ said George ‘anything else?’
‘Yes’ I said ‘you should announce a giant shake-up of the diplomatic service. Make Don Rumsfeld the Ambassador to Zimbabwe and make him wear black make-up. And make me Ambassador to Yapland’
‘Ok Barney very funny’ said George wearily ‘is that it?
‘Most importantly’ I said ‘you should make a major new announcement in the animal welfare field. I suggest a new kennel television channel created specially for dogs. It could feature dog races, sheep dog trials from New Zealand, Lassie films and all the latest dog shows so I can sniff out the really sexy bitches’
‘And I take it you would have your own show’ said George
‘Absolutely George’ I said ‘I would specialise in interviewing politicians who are barking mad’
‘Indeed’ said George ‘I thought you’d be presenting your own cooking show, because you’re always a bit close to the bone’
Tags: Ahmadinejad, Al Qaeda, animal welfare, Bill Clinton, Britney Spears, Bush & Barney, Bush and Barney, Carbon Emissions, CIA, Don Rumsfeld, George Bush, George W Bush, Guantanamo Bay, healthcare, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, New Zealand, recessions, Rocky, Saddam Hussein, State of the Union, Terrorism, Zimbabwe
Posted in Bush and Barney | 2 Comments »
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