UK Report by Tori Banger

Gordon’s Last Stand

The UK election result puts the country on course for government chaos similar to Tasmania.

Once they got a sniff of government the Tasmanian Greens moved to tackle problem gambling. If they get a governmental guernsey the first thing the Lib Dems will try to do is reform the UK voting system, which is a particularly insidious form of problem gambling.

It was a shock that the final election results confirmed a hung parliament. Although the campaign was enough to bore anyone to death it was hardly a hanging offence.

In an astonishing first for British democracy voters were turned away from election stations at the end of the day. Authorities obviously didn’t want the election to become an even bigger disaster.

Gordon Brown has decided he’s not going to be turfed out of No. 10 by a relatively piffling setback like losing an election. In the event he becomes prime minister David Cameron could leave him there as a perennial misfit and run the country from somewhere else.

Many commentators admire the pigheaded obduracy which not only drove Gordon to take the UK to the brink but still drives him to push it over.

Voters went off the Lib Dems after they discovered that most of their candidates were not Nick Clegg clones but the same old left-wing loonies that used to be in the Labor Party and the Greens.

David Cameron’s push for No. 10 seems to have come up short at No. 9.

Most voters are aghast at the election result. They are almost certainly faced with the prospect of the Lib Dems in some sort of government and having to endure another election within a year. There’s actually a chance that Gordon Brown could stay on as prime minister which would be a nice touch of electoral irony given that he’s never going to be voted into the job.

At this point there seems imminent danger of the UK being flushed down the same toilet as Greece. However the British public should be reassured in the knowledge that the country has maintained a much higher standard of plumbing than the Greeks.

The Bigoted Grandmas Party led by Gillian Duffy have told the Queen they’re ready to form government. They claim the support of all the old bigots in the House of Lords and seem to have a reasonable chance given that the Queen is reportedly very bigoted against Gordon, David and Nick.

Meanwhile David and Nick continue to talk and Gordon continues as prime minister. This could go on for years with no-one having a mandate to govern.

Who knows? It might work. It could even turn out to be the Westminster System Mark II.

Tori Banger is very Conservative when it comes to political affairs