Newsletter from Australia

White House,
Washington DC.,

21st May 2010

Dear Mr. President,

You’re not going to believe this. Kevin’s approval ratings are going down faster than Neville’s first can of VB. I’m worried that by the time you visit him next month he wont have any left.

How people can turn against this hero who rescued us from the global financial crisis goodness only knows. It would be like Parra supporters razzing Jarryd Hayne after he destroyed the Manly silvertails last Monday.

I don’t know about you but sometimes I can’t decide whether to believe these polls or not. They were obviously spot on when they showed Kevin’s numbers going through the roof faster than an insulation fire but now nothing seems to have changed and suddenly he’s on the nose everywhere.

Well the Obama Fan Club has had enough of this nonsense. We decided to set the record straight with our own poll.

We polled fifty people representative of a broad cross section of our community at Beauthaven RSL, Parra Leagues and the Obama Fan Club. The results will absolutely gobsmack you.

On the question of preferred prime minister there were forty votes for Kevin, eight for Julia, one for our Mavis’ Bert and none for Tony. One guy voted for Fuifui Moimoi but we declared it invalid.

I’m not yet sure about Julia because she’s a bit on the left side for me. Wonderful woman though. And I have to admit that communism seems to be more fashionable these days but you’d know all about that.

The next question was ‘do you approve of Kevin’s hospitals policy or Tony’s non-policy?’ The result was forty-nine to one in favour of Kevin. The person who voted for Tony suffers Chronic Kevin Syndrome. Every time he hears Kevin speak he loses touch with reality and has to be rushed to a funny farm.

Then we asked ‘are you in favour of Kevin’s super profits tax topping up your super?’ There were only two votes against from guys who are miners. I wont tell you where they said Kevin could stick his super profits tax but even mining companies who dig deep into the bowels of the earth wouldn’t be keen to dig it out from there.

Our next question ‘how would you rate Kevin’s handling of the home insulation scheme, inspiring, brilliant or competent’ (tick one)’ met with a most unfortunate response. We didn’t pursue it after a woman at Parra Leagues whose roof had caught fire yelled out that Kevin couldn’t organise a product trial in a condom factory.

The response to ‘how do you rate Julia’s handling of the BER programme?’ was also disappointing. Our local school in Beauthaven was promised a COLA but it turned out to be a covered outside lavatory area. I had to admit that’s hardly the way to put bums on seats.

Finally we asked ‘if there was a federal election tomorrow, who would you vote for?’ Two said Labor, one said the Coalition and forty-seven said they’d need more time to make up their mind.

So our poll proved conclusively that the polls in the papers have got it all wrong about Kevin. I’ll send him a copy of our results to give him a bit of encouragement.

Till next week,

Gaelene Woo,
President