Posts Tagged ‘John Howard’
The public seem terribly confused about what Malcolm Turnbull stands for. It’s very difficult to decide whether he’s to left of the Liberal Party or to the left of Malcolm Fraser.
Friday Mash’s NoSpin Doctors have undertaken the formidable task of analysing Malcolm’s remarks over many years and identifying what he would have said had he been free to tell the unvarnished and unspun truth. Here is the result of their painstaking work.
“I agree with many Labor policies but I could never join the party. Fancy having to work with people like Peter Garrett, Wayne Swan and those union buffoons. It would even be much worse than working with Tony Abbott and Nick Minchin.
A few years ago I realised I could become a great prime minister and deemed it would be selfish of me to deny this gift to the nation and instead become instead the world’s richest man.
I joined the Liberal Party because they have at least a basic understanding of what finance is all about and might have some idea of the scope of my genius.
After some consideration I decided not to challenge John Howard for the top job immediately upon my arrival in parliament because I believed it might seem a trifle presumptuous even for me.
Then in one of the most momentous political blunders of all time after the 07 elections the Liberal Party selected Brendan as leader rather than me. Eventually they corrected this obvious ballsup but the damage was done.
One day the truth will emerge about Godwin Grech. He was acting as an undercover stooge for either Kevin or Tony, I can’t decide which yet. Wouldn’t it be ironic if both those two no-hopers became prime minister and a man like me who was born to the job missed out?
The fact that I sank so low in the opinion polls is proof positive that they are fundamentally flawed. Who in their right mind would prefer Kevin Rudd as prime minister to me?
My detractors say I am not a politician. I can’t think of a greater compliment.
Anyone with half a brain knows that the ETS is the most effective way to tackle global warming, but not that dope Tony Abbott. So he put me in the invidious position of being on the same side as Kevin and Penny and it’s even difficult for a Labor politician to live with that ignominy.
Then in the worst decision in their entire history the Liberal Party kicked me out and installed tosspot Tony. I content myself with the thought that throughout history great men have had to endure setbacks as a prelude to unleashing their greatness.
My announcement that I would not be recontesting the seat of Wentworth brought the avalanche of protests which I had anticipated thereby re-establishing my status as the true leader of the Liberal Party and the Coalition. What else could I do but reconsider my decision not to stand when that had always been my intention.
Frankly Tony and Joe Hockey aren’t that bad and could probably run a small to medium company pretty well, but the truth is that I am the only politician who can lead Australia back to financial health and world leadership and everybody knows it.
Cometh the hour, cometh the man and it will obviously be me rather than Julia Gillard”
Tags: Brendan Nelson, Coalition, ETS, Godwin Grech, Joe Hockey, John Howard, Julia Gillard, Labor policies, Liberal Party, Malcolm Fraser, Malcolm Turnbull, Nick Minchin, NoSpin Doctors, Penny Wong, Peter Garrett, Wayne Swan
Posted in NoSpin Doctors | 1 Comment »
Guy the Friday Mash Superfly managed to land on a wall at the location of a recent meeting between prominent people smugglers in Indonesia. He has just sent in this exclusive report.
‘It’s an absolute outrage’ said Kris ‘Tony Abbott’s new policy could put us out of business’
‘I know’ said Gus ‘what’s more it’s inhumane. He’s proposing to send our boats back here when most of them are scarcely seaworthy enough to make it to Christmas Island let alone make a return trip’
‘The Australian Government is a joke’ said Andi ‘We can’t afford to send the asylum seekers in decent boats because they conviscate them all. If they allowed us to do return trips we could afford to use boats with passenger lounges and put on a catering service’
‘It’s difficult to understand their mindset’ said Gus ‘they have this population expansion policy so they need immigrants but we get dumped on for making it happen’
‘Well’ said Kris ‘I hope they understand they’re in danger of losing their status as the world’s number one asylum seeker destination. It’s almost as difficult working with Rudd as it would be with Abbott’
‘We’ll have to think about sailing to a different asylum’ said Andi
‘How about New Zealand?’
‘Good heavens’ said Andi ‘I know we can be pretty ruthless bastards but we’re not that bad’
‘If only the Australian Government would get out of the way said Kris ‘we’ve got enough punters in the supply line to repopulate Darwin’
‘It’s ironic’ said Gus ‘that the Aussies are going on about the wonderful cultural diversity asylum seekers bring to the joint yet they’re sending the Federal Police over here to hunt us down like we’re criminals’
‘I can’t believe it’ said Andi ‘you would think we’d be in line for a United Nations humanitarian award for all the great work we do helping persecuted people find a sanctuary. I must say there are days when I feel quite humanitarian’
‘And the Aussies criticise us for charging the asylum seekers too much’ said Gus ‘ Do they think we are running a bloody benevolent society?’
‘Is there any chance Abbott will get elected?’ asked Kris
‘There’s a chance’ said Andi ‘so we’ve got to get some contingency plans together because we might go back to the inhumane days of that ghastly John Howard. How about if we start a selection process and only accept genuine refugees?’
‘’That wouldn’t impress Abbott’ said Kris ‘he doesn’t believe there is such a thing as genuine refugees. I’m thinking of using a submarine which only surfaces when it gets to Christmas Island’
‘The problem is’ said Gus ‘that the bastard Aussies would conviscate it just like any planes we sent over. All we would be doing is restocking their navy and air force for nothing’
‘Let’s buy the Tampa’ said Kris
‘Don’t be stupid’ said Gus ‘that would be a sure way to get Abbott elected’
‘I’ve got it’ said Andi ‘let’s offer to pay the Aussie Government a super profits tax’
‘Don’t be ridiculous’ said Gus ‘not even the mining companies can afford to pay that’
Tags: asylum seekers, Christmas Island, Guy the Fly, Indonesia, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, New Zealand, people smugglers, refugee, repopulate Darwin, super profits tax, Tampa, Tony Abbott, United Nations
Posted in Fly on the Wall | 1 Comment »
There’s a hint of something sinister in the air in Canberra. Politicians have been doing even weirder things than usual.
First the ghostly Godwin Grech spooked Malcolm, then Kevin contracted compulsive backflip disorder, Tony has let Kerry O’Brien make an honest dishonest man of him and now Wayne is trying to convert the mining industry into an extension of the Tax Department.
Friday Mash’s confidential investigative sources in Canberra believe they’re on to something. They are possibly uncovering evidence that senior female federal ministers have formed a witches’ coven and are hatching sinister plots. Could it be that Julia Gillard, Nicola Roxon and Penny Wong have decided to stir the pot and weave their malicious magic?
Penny obviously blames Tony for her post fatal depression over the ETS. Nicola must be sick and tired of trailing Kevin round hospitals like a mid-wife in case he gave birth to something or had to abort another promise. All three are Tonyphobic because he’s against abortions and they believe Kevin should be able to have one whenever he wants.
But above all Kevin’s sent them stir crazy because they all thought he was full of promise and he’s turned out to be merely full of himself. Wayne’s now taking credit for everything and has to be stopped before Visa and American Express cancel his cards.
Rumour hath it that wicked spells abound.
Double, double, toil and trouble
Fire burn and cauldron bubble
Government sources are still not worried. They have been saying for months that Kevin needs a spell. But if he’s gone off the boil the cauldron certainly hasn’t.
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning or in rain
These wild chants echoing around Canberra are starting to get people worried. It has been confirmed that there have been no current productions of Macbeth in the city. Someone suggested they might be coming from a group concerned about climate change.
Round about the cauldron go
In the poisoned entrails throw
There is no clear indication of the nature of these poisoned entrails but a watch is being kept at hospitals to check whether John Howard has his appendix or his gall bladder removed.
Eye of newt and toe of frog
Wool of bat and tongue of dog
Throwing in batts wool is really going to add insulation fuel to the fire.
Canberra is rife with rumours. Is Julie Bishop under a spell or does she always look like that? Will Bronwyn emerge in the terrifying image of Lady Macbeth and act as though she’s married to Kevin?
Are Julia, Nicola and Penny even now shrieking the hideous chants and casting the diabolical spells which will render Kevin ready for a tap on the shoulder from Julia’s broomstick?
Fair is foul and foul is fair
Hover through the fog and filthy air
Lead on MacDuff. Someone’s got to find a way through all those carbon emissions.
Tags: American Express, ATO, Bronwyn Bishop, Carbon Emissions, Climate Change, ETS, Godwin Grech, home insulation scheme, hospitals, John Howard, Julia Gillard, Julie Bishop, Kerry O’Brien, Kevin Rudd, Lady Macbeth, MacDuff, Malcolm Turnbull, mining tax, Nicola Roxon, Penny Wong, Roger Pugh, super profits tax, Tony Abbott, Visa, Wayne Swan
Posted in Weekly Mash | 2 Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
14th May 2010
Dear Mr. President,
I don’t know whether you’ve met Wayne Swan but I’ve always thought he was not a bad sort of bloke and I loved the way he used to stick it up John Howard and Peter Costello.
He seemed to me like a poor man’s Kevin, although the way Kevin’s travelling at the moment he’ll soon become a poor man’s Wayne.
There’s always been something about Wayne that I’ve never quite sussed. It’s not so much he’s a Swan with duck’s disease because I’ve got nothing against small men but I’ve always found him just a bit too bumptious and a little too much of the try-hard. Know what I mean?
But his budget this week changed all that. He’s been promoted to my A list.
It’s obvious to people like me who are students of politics that this was the first Australian budget developed in cooperation with the Chinese. Wayne cleverly got them to underwrite his budget by persuading them to buy mountains of iron ore without a discount.
And the Chinese don’t mind about Wayne pocketing most of the miner’s profits because they’re pissed at having to pay them a packet for iron ore when all they do is dig it out of the ground.
I daresay as a reciprocal gesture Wayne is helping the Chinese government sort out their budget and Kevin’s translating all his stuff. What a team.
Wayne did rabbit on a bit about how Australia’s economic resurgence is all thanks to him and Kevin. You’d think he’d give a bit of the credit to China.
This new arrangement means if the budget turns out to be a monumental disaster Wayne can blame China as well as John Howard.
Source: SMH
Actually Wayne does have a fallback position even if the bucks from China dry up. He could increase the price of smokes by ten dollars and put a picture of himself on each packet with the slogan ‘Not smoking can cause the Treasurer a heart attack’.
One thing I could kiss Wayne for is reducing those interminable hours I have to spend on tax returns. I have to do all ours since Neville was fined for making a false declaration. He claimed his Eels season ticket was a charitable contribution to the disabled.
Wayne promised the budget will be in surplus in three years but I hope the Chinese understand what he’s letting them in for.
A word of advice in case you’re intending to ask for a loan when you come here next month. I don’t think Wayne will have any spare until he starts excavating it from the mining companies. I’d advise going direct to China like you usually do.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Barack Obama, Chinese Government, cigarette tax, Eels, Federal Budget, Gaelene Woo, iron ore, John Howard, Obama Fan Club, Peter Costello, President of US, President of USA, US President, Wayne Swan
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Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
30th April 2010
Dear Mr. President,
I’m sure you’ve heard of ANZAC Day. It’s the time when all our brave lads who survived the wars go out to remember those who didn’t. But some of them like Neville get so hammered they forget what they’re supposed to remember.
This year they had a new fallen comrade. Neville was so pissed that on his way home he fell into a roadworks trench and cut his head. He reckons he should get a medal for being wounded in the trenches.
Anyway I had to rush him down to the hospital to get it stitched.
Kevin’s been rabbiting on for weeks about how he’s going to fix hospitals so I thought I’d check him out. When we got to the emergency department I told them we expected Kevin class service. They laughed their heads off, stuck a plaster on Neville’s head and made us wait five hours for the stitches. Tell you what, Kevin’s a great talker but when it comes to action he instantly reduced everyone in the hospital to stitches except of course poor old Neville.
I don’t know what it is with the Greens. Kevin said the greatest moral challenge of our time was to get into bed with the Greens on climate change. Following the events in Western Australia and Kevin’s decision to dump the ETS it seems the greatest moral challenge of our time is not to get into bed with the Greens.
David Bartlett and Troy Buswell should both reflect on the fact that the Greens policy is not to chop down trees only people.
The Club’s World Affairs Think Tank met this week to discuss a topic of profound global significance, “Who is the biggest pain in the arse in the world today?”
Fred started off proceedings by claiming it was me. Bloody cheek. Marge reckons its Tony Abbott because she can’t stand him but still gets dirty thoughts when she sees him in his tight-fitting lycra cycling gear.
Our Elsie’s brother Cyril reckons its Archbishop Pell because he’s a celibate bloke who presumes to advise women on what they should do with their bodies when he and his uncelibate mates are much more qualified.
Our Mavis’ Bert reckons it’s Julia Gillard (how could he?) because she’s been in love with Mark Latham, Kim Beazley, Tony Abbott and Craig Emerson and still blames John Howard for everything.
Mildred reckons its Warren Beatty because she was madly in love with him but it now turns out he’s slept with 29,999 others.
Madge reckons it’s a tie between Ahadinejad and Hugo Chavez because they’ve got their head so far up each others arses that when one of them farts he gives the other a stinking headache.
Marj reckons its Al Gore because he failed to warn us about the biggest disaster of all, himself.
I reckon it’s David Gallop the CEO of the NRL because despite all the letters I’ve written to him he still allows referees who hate the Eels to ruin our matches and he’s threatened me with a lifetime ban if I go out on the ground to advise them how to do it better.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: Ahadinejad, Al Gore, ANZAC Day, Archbishop Pell, Craig Emerson, David Bartlett, David Gallop, Eels, ETS, Gaelene Woo, Hugo Chavez, John Howard, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Kim Beazley, Mark Latham, NRL, the Greens, Tony Abbott, Troy Buswell, Warren Beatty
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 3 Comments »
Having saved Australia and possibly the world from financial collapse the Labor Government is stunned and bemused to be the target of so much cynicism. In a characteristically generous gesture Friday Mash is happy to help them come to an understanding about it.
It could be something to do with Kevin’s promise at the last election not to break any promises.
Fuel Watch failed to deliver the good oil on petrol prices and Grocery Watch headed straight for the checkout.
It’s not surprising there is a degree of cynicism amongst whales. Kevin promised to take the Japanese whalers to the International Court of Justice before he decided there could be a catch in it.
He promised to take over the running of hospitals but following the mess he’s made insulating homes and rebuilding schools no-one is complaining about his failure to deliver on that promise. Furthermore the introduction of covered outside operating areas (COOAs) could put the wind up some patients especially those undergoing haemorrhoid transplants.
The public are decidedly cynical about the onset of selective Alzheimers disease in the Labor Government. Ministers have no recollection whatsoever of any stuff ups they were responsible for yet have perfect recall of all John Howard’s.
To everyone’s astonishment, however, Kevin actually apologised for the home insulation scheme debacle but didn’t apologise for reneging on his undertaking to restart the scheme in June. After he told the Battmen on television that ‘I get it’ you can’t really blame them if they treat him like the Joker.
The decision to cancel the home insulation scheme mark 2 was presented by Greg Combet as sensible, responsible and absolutely logical. It wasn’t presented as anything by Kevin who was hiding in Tasmania.
The decision to cancel the promised development of childcare centres at schools was presented by Kate Ellis as courageous and responsible. She had apparently discovered that single drops for children are better than double drops because of the unpredictable bounce.
Kevin was still in Tasmania probably trying to figure out whether David Bartlett is a single or a double dropkick.
There is the strong possibility of a certain cynicism that the more attractive a government’s promise the more courage, responsibility and integrity they can claim for reneging on it.
The reason for Kevin’s incredibly courageous and completely logical decision to drop the ETS was the Inconvenient Truth that it could lose him the next election.
The public could be excused a certain cynicism about Julia still waxing lyrical about the BER when it was blindingly obvious to everyone else that million dollar COLAs were as abundant as star players at the Melbourne Storm.
Having exhausted their stimulus credibility on homes, schools and hospitals there is an expectation that the government will turn its attention to brothels. Covered outside bonking areas (COBAs) could breathe some daylight into an industry sadly in need of a BER (Building the Erotic Revolution).
If the government are interested Friday Mash can certainly provide further illumination. They should understand however that while we are satirical and even ecumenical we are never cynical.
Tags: BER, Building the Education Revolution, Building the Erotic Revolution, childcare, COLA, cynicism, David Bartlett, election promises, ETS, Fuel Watch, Greg Combet, Grocery Watch, ICJ, Inconvenient Truth, International Court of Justice, Japanese whaling, John Howard, Julia Gillard, Kate Ellis, Kevin Rudd, Labor Government, Melbourne Storm, Tasmania
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This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on the wall of the Prime Minister’s office in Canberra where he was meeting with the Deputy Prime Minister to discuss the BER. This was an assignment fraught with mortal danger because Kevin always keeps a can of Mortein in his office. Guy has just filed this exclusive report.
‘I find it absolutely incredible’ said Kevin ‘that the BER has saved Australia from going into recession yet all we get is criticism’
‘I know’ said Julia ‘I’m spending all my time looking into complaints about building rorts and rip-offs. There’s one here about a Covered Outside Learning Area costing two hundred and fifty thousand dollars’
‘That’s cheap’ said Kevin ‘what’s the problem?’
‘It doesn’t have a cover’ said Julia
‘Well Julia’ said Kevin ‘you’re doing all the right things. First you strongly denied there were any problems, then you blamed the media for distorting the facts and when that didn’t work you blamed John Howard and Tony Abbott’
‘But we’ve blamed them so often’ said Julia ‘that they can’t be trusted to help us any more’
‘Ok’ said Kevin ‘the next stage is to hold audits and inquiries and blame the shonky rorting builders and then if things really look bad I’ll have to apologise and bring in Greg Combet to clear up the mess’
‘What about me?’ asked Julia
‘No problem’ said Kevin ‘first I’ll call you a first-class minister then I’ll fire you so you can start work on the Covered Outside Treatment Areas for hospitals’
‘But Kevin’ said Julia ‘there are thousands of school halls, libraries and COLAs bearing plaques with my name on’
‘That could be a problem’ said Kevin ‘but as soon as Greg’s sorted the whole thing out I’ll replace them with plaques bearing my name. By the way where has all the money gone?’
‘Well’ said Julia ‘its gone in fees. The local state government gets a fee for agreeing to the plan and not blaming us if things go wrong, the building contractors get a project management fee, Lara Bingle’s agent gets a fee for not circulating photos of her naked in a school shower, the earthquake prevention society gets a fee, the building unions get a fee for not striking and the banks get a fee because they get a fee on everything’
‘Well there’s no sign of rorting there’ said Kevin
‘I guarantee that no COLA will cost more than a school’ said Julia ‘not even a rum and COLA’
‘What’s this about a million dollars for a school hall’ asked Kevin ‘for a school that’s only got two students?’
‘It’s in a Labor seat’ explained Julia ‘the budget has been spent liberally in Labor seats but you’ll have to labor to find anything in Liberal seats. All they’re getting are Uncovered Outside Learning Areas.
‘So’ said Kevin ‘when are we going to see the full effects of your Education Revolution?’
‘When the militant teachers union storm the federal parliament building’ said Julia ‘and take over the government’
‘That will teach them a lesson’ said Kevin
Tags: earthquake prevention, education revolution, Greg Combet, Guy the Fly, John Howard, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Labor Party, Lara Bingle, Liberals, Prime Minister
Posted in Fly on the Wall | 1 Comment »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
9th April 2010
Dear Mr President,
You are simply not going to believe this. My beloved Eels got beaten by the Cronulla Sharks of all people. That’s like your mob the Chicago White Sox getting trounced by the Alaskan Little Leaguers coached by Sarah Palin.
I follow the Eels religiously especially at Easter but sometimes my faith is sorely tested especially now that the Tigers are playing like Angels.
What do you think about this dreadful business with the catholic priests. I hope you’ve given the Pope a bit of a rollocking over it. I’d love to give him a piece of my mind. Fancy confessing to someone who’s got more to confess than you have. If he needs any help tell the Pope I’ve got a guaranteed way of making a prelate celibate. Give him a good hard kick in the cobblers.
I was shocked to hear that Malcolm’s getting out of politics though I wont miss him much and neither will Tony. Fancy trying to get Kevin fired for doing his mate John a good turn. Then he tried to help Kevin with the ETS and really stuffed that. And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it was Malcolm who persuaded Kevin to get into that insulation mess.
Malcolm reminded me of someone driving one of those Toyota cars with the accelerator jammed on 200kms an hour. He was racing flat out towards the prime ministers office knocking over Brendan Nelson and Godwin Grech on the way before finally crashing into the ETS barrier which Kevin had craftily put in his way.
I’m terribly worried that Kevin is overheating. He’s trying to stop global warming and people’s roofs catching fire while Tony’s applying a blowtorch to his backside over schools and hospitals.
Neville says that if you’ve got a few bucks to spare he’ll go into partnership with you in a hospitals building company and there might still be some business to pick up from schools. In view of where most of his stimulus money’s been going recently I’m sure Kevin would see it as an improvement if some of it landed up in the US.
Owing to the Easter break we didn’t have a meeting of the World Affairs Think Tank this week. Hope that’s ok with you. Instead Mildred and I went down to the Canberra Press Club to hear Bob Brown talk about securing Australia’s future energy needs. According to him coal and gas are a total no-no, nuclear power is worse and all he’s keen on is wavepower and windpower. It all sounded like a load of piss and wind to me.
Have you read about that huge Chinese ship carrying coal which crashed into the Barrier Reef? Bloody outrage. I’d arrest the captain and charge him with cruising round the Barrier Reef without a licence from Queensland Tourism. Then I’d sentence him to ten years and send him back to China in exchange for Stern Hu and a massive iron ore contract.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Alaskan Little Leaguers, Balmain Tigers, Barrier Reef, Bob Brown, Brendan Nelson, Canberra Press Club, Chicago White Sox, China, Cronulla Sharks, education revolution, Eels, ETS, global warming, Godwin Grech, healthcare, iron ore, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Queensland Tourism, Sarah Palin, Stern Hu, stimulus, The Pope, Tony Abbott, Toyota cars, US
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There has long been a suspicion that Malcolm’s surname had something to do with him being born in a manger.
Over the years, however, his claims as the ultimate Saviour have been undermined by an excess of epiphanies.
It is true that for most of his life he has been a leading Profit of the Neo-liberal faith. His reputation was confirmed by a number of miracles while Wizard of OzEmail and an ability to turn loaves and fishes into dollars.
His first deviation from the path of true righteousness was a dance with the devil of republicanism. This enraged King John who was the Neo-Liberal Monarch of the Land and he gave Malcolm a right royal kick up the referendum.
In his infinite mercy King John forgave Malcolm and encouraged his election to the Neo-Liberal broad church where he became Apostle of Water and Environment. Malcolm thought it would be a great opportunity to get amongst the greenbacks but instead it awakened within him a calling to Climate Change.
King Kevin, the leader of Climate Change in Australia, dethroned King John to become the new leader of the land while climate change disciple Malcolm became Leader of the Neo-Liberals.
At this time Godwin, a leading disciple of Malcolm’s, told him he had a vehicle for running over King Kevin and putting Malcolm in the driver’s seat. Alas it turned out to be merely a humble ute and Godwin was bearing false witness.
Some of the Neo-Liberals became really pissed with Malcolm over the parable of Utegate as well as his sermons in support of climate change and the religious ETS fanatic Penny.
The polls were indicating that his bright star had long since fallen from its position over Bethlehem and even Canberra.
A pall of smoke heavy with carbon emissions announced that the College of Cardinal Neo-Liberals had replaced Malcolm as Leader with the Mad Monk. Malcolm was quietly crucified and left to carry a Cross between Utegate and Climate Change of his own making.
And it came to pass that Barnaby, a leading Neo-Liberal apostle kept stuffing up his maths and the Mad Monk decided he had to be moved to a different diocese.
Deep within his humble resting place in the wastes of Westworth a flicker of Neo-Liberal life stirred within Malcolm. He was confident his maths were up to the job.
The Mad Monk, however, was not so sure. He believed Malcolm still followed the teachings of Climate Change. Before he got back into bed with Malcolm, he perceived he would need the sort of protection forbidden to him by another religion which keeps getting in his way.
And so it came to pass that there will be no Resurrection of Malcolm this Easter. It’s such a shame because his disciples had already booked a church to celebrate. And sadly they only needed a small church.
Malcolm is left with Easter Egg all over his face.
Tags: Barnaby Joyce, Bethlehem, Climate Change, Easter Egg, ETS, Godwin Grech, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Mad Monk, Malcolm Turnbull, OzEmail, Penny Wong, Utegate
Posted in Politics, Weekly Mash | No Comments »
An Unfair Slug
Tony’s path to success in the debate against Kevin was littered with worm droppings.
No Excuses
Kristina’s mother told her it was only polite to say ‘excuse me’ before interrupting someone. She should have told her that interrupting a politician is a public service.
Doing the Ironing
Last Sunday Tony swam 3.8 kms, cycled 180 kms and ran 42.2 kms. Kevin was in church praying for a shark, a puncture or for someone to forget the powerade.
Cardboard Cutout
Kevin is now training for a Paperman Event which comprises wading through files, recycling and doing a print run.
Stuff Happens
Countries which give stuff are the US, UK and Australia. Iran, Venezuela and North Korea are countries which don’t give a stuff.
Coming for a Song
Congratulations to Kevin for surpassing John Howard’s record of fourteen asylum seeker boats in a month. Experts believe he could double that number by processing asylum seekers at Opera House matinees. In fact it could be a very long-running production with heavy advance bookings particularly from Indonesia.
Not Wong
Penny Wong told us that if parliament didn’t pass the ETS legislation before Christmas we could expect all manner of disasters. She was right but she didn’t tell us they would be as disastrous as the home insulation scheme and building the education revolution.
Brass band
John Howard was the Man of Steel, Tony Abbott is the Ironman but Kevin is yet to show his mettle.
Tags: asylum seekers, education revolution, ETS, home insulation scheme, Indonesia, Iran, Ironman, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Kristina Keneally, Man of Steel, North Korea, Penny Wong, recycling, Tony Abbott, UK, US, Venezuela
Posted in Carbon Emissions | No Comments »
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