UK Report by Tori Banger
Throwing a Clegg Over
In a sensational interview Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrats leader revealed he had slept with no more than thirty women and both he and I have no comment in response to questions about whether I was one of them.
Nick speaks five languages which would have come in very useful if he meant he’d slept with no more than thirty women at a time.
TV executives have been developing the breakthrough concept of a live on-air debate between three women, each of whom has had an affair with one of the three party leaders. Unfortunately it seems that they’re not going to make it happen because no woman will admit publicly to having an affair with Gordon Brown.
Nick’s campaign is obviously working brilliantly. However only people who are political pinheads or smoke something serious could actually believe that the Liberal Democrats wouldn’t make an even bigger balls-up of governing the country than Labor.
Nick however is charming people into nodding about things like getting out of Iraq, going down the euro gurgler with Greece, teaching everyone to speak five languages so they can converse with all the immigrants he’s going to let in and free sex addiction clinics.
Gordon Brown can’t believe that the punters would even consider voting for wankers like David and Nick rather than him. He’s still rabbiting on about resurrecting the economy even though Easter was his last chance. His aides are considering whether there is any mileage in him confessing to having been knocked back by no more than thirty women.
David Cameron believes he can get enormous traction by confessing that sleeping with his wife is the equivalent of sleeping with no more than thirty women.
Political experts are now confidently forecasting that the election wont produce an outright victory for any party and it will be followed by a torrid and highly confusing circus to try and form a coalition government.
Gordon wont get into bed with David because they’d never agree on who gets the left side. No-one would get into bed with Gordon without first taking sleeping pills and Nick has no ambition to sleep with less than thirty people at a time.
Meanwhile be prepared for a late run by the British National Party. Their promise of sending the British Empire back to where it came from has the full support of the Queen Victoria Loyalist League.
Tori Banger has never had sex with less than thirty people a year.
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