Last week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly winged his way to the UK and managed to land high on a wall in Gordon Brown’s office at No. 10 to send us this exclusive report about a vital strategy meeting.
Gordon Brown was in conference with Harriet Harman and Lord Mandelson.
‘Peter do you think there will be anymore coup attempts against me before the next election?’ asked Gordon
‘Probably not’ said Peter ‘after everyone chickened out of the last one. And the Iraq Inquiry will totally stuff any chance of Tony making a comeback’
‘What about Alisdair Darling?’ asked Gordon
‘And what about me my little precious’ said Harriet ‘By the way have you taken your constipation tablets?’
‘No but I’ve already got plenty of runs on the board’ said Gordon ‘I’m thinking of becoming green for the next election’
‘I don’t think a name change will be enough’ said Peter.
‘I’m also thinking of taking drastic steps on the economy before the next election’ said Gordon ‘I’ve already driven it to the seventh largest in the world from the fifth. If I could get it to the tenth largest I could make a dramatic election promise to improve it to ninth or even eighth’
‘Inspired thinking Gordon’ said Harriet ‘but how on earth am I going to retain my seat?’
‘You’ll have to start going to the gym regularly’ said Gordon. ‘But what am I going to tell the Iraqi Inquiry?’
Tell them the truth’ said Peter ‘Saddam Hussein couldn’t remember where he had hidden the WMDs’
‘But won’t that let Tony off the hook?’ asked Gordon
‘No’ said Peter ‘because Saddam had also forgotten that he hadn’t got any’
‘But if Saddam was convinced he had WMDs’ said Gordon ‘can’t Tony claim he was misled?’
‘No’ said Peter ‘because I’ve leaked it to the Inquiry that while Saddam had forgotten that he hadn’t got any WMDs he suddenly remembered where they were and Tony found out that he had remembered but had forgotten that he had forgotten that he didn’t have any’
‘Brilliant’ said Gordon ‘so I can tell the Iraq Inquiry that I remembered that Tony remembered that Saddam remembered where the WMDs were’
‘Do you think we should call in Kevin Rudd to advise us on economic policies for the election?’ asked Harriet
‘Heavens no’ said Gordon ‘I couldn’t stand any more of that boring Aussie nerd crapping on about how he fluked his way round a recession. But this Iraq thing could still be a problem’
‘No way’ said Peter ‘just blame it all on George W Bush and John Howard. You can claim they formed a right wing conspiracy to undermine Tony and his Labor Government but you came in and saved us all’
‘Sheer genius’ said Gordon ‘perhaps I won’t need that post election job with the Scottish Porridge Promotion Board after all’
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