Posts Tagged ‘Malcolm Turnbull’
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
16th April 2010
Dear Mr President,
I’m not even going to talk about the Eels. Fancy losing at home to Canberra. Neville had to take a day off on Tuesday suffering hypertension surplus syndrome.
As you know Julia’s such a lovely woman and you know me, I don’t like to criticise, but I can’t help feeling her BER’s another big stuff-up.
I think she means well but she’s a bit headstrong if you know what I mean. She’s minister for everything and then she comes up with Building the Education Revolution which is miraculously going to save Australia from the global financial crisis and save our kids from schools built by pommie convicts.
For months Julia’s been saying that the BER is the biggest thing since Malcolm’s ego and how dare the media criticise it because she’s taken the trouble to tell them that it has saved hundreds of thousands of jobs and saved our kids from illiteracy and uncovered outdoor learning areas and who cares about one or two little rip-offs because that’s life and her auditors will be on to them.
Suddenly things have changed. The whiff of rorting has become a real stink. Apparently everyone’s been getting in for their chop especially the state governments. It seems rorting the BER has become bigger than rorting the home insulation scheme. And most of the school buildings which cost squillions look like they’ve been nailed together by Neville after he came home pissed one night.
So about a year too late Julia’s set up an Inquiry because her rigorous auditing system has either been rorted or needs auditing. The Inquiry’s costing fourteen million. Can you believe that? I could have told Julia what’s wrong for the cost of a gin and tonic, a Chinese takeaway and a lager.
I think in future Kevin should apologise and set up an Inquiry in advance of doing anything. Now would probably be the right time for his hospitals plan.
Kevin’s developed a great strategy to keep asylum seekers in detention centres rather than letting them into the country. As I said to Marge the other day I’m sure this is the start of a plan to build up the Tamil Tiger population on Christmas Island before giving it to them as their homeland. The place is becoming far too expensive for us to keep running it.
The World Affairs Think Tank met on Tuesday to discuss the Fiji situation again. We’ve all got holidays booked there this year and Frank Bainimarama’s going raving mad again and censoring the press.
We decided we’d still go because we’ve paid the deposits and don’t like Bali. But we’ve written to Frank requesting a chat to tell him that if he doesn’t get off the kava and do something sensible we’re going to Vanuatu next year and he can stick his Fiji Bitter up his cyclone alley.
As I said to Neville this is the sort of desperate mindset a country can get into when it realises its only friend is New Zealand.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: asylum seekers, Bali, BER, Building the Education Revolution, Canberra Raiders, Christmas Island, detention centres, Eels, Fiji, GFC, global financial crisis, hospital plan, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, New Zealand, Tamil Tiger
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Canberra Report by Dick Head
Tasmania up for the Count
In a shock move Tasmania suddenly declared their final election results in under three weeks. Cephologists believe this is a record.
It is not clear whether they finally found someone who could count quickly or whether they got embarrassed by the delay and made an educated guess.
Following news that the Greens are prepared to enter into a coalition with the Liberals the electoral authorities would be well advised to organise some vote-counting practice because the next election can’t be far away.
Don’t Shoot the Sheriff
Following their election loss the South Australian Liberals have had three deputy leaders in three weeks. How considerate of them to assuage the disappointment of losing by giving everybody a guernsey.
This follows the lead of the Federal Liberal Party which followed up its election loss with three leaders in two years although to be fair Malcolm couldn’t see the benefits of sharing the leadership around. It makes you wonder about Julie Bishop. What sort of person can be deputy to Brendan, Malcolm and Tony in the space of two years without going absolutely barking? Perhaps someone who doesn’t take any of them too seriously.
Malcolm No Longer in the Middle
My colleagues at Friday Mash have reacted to the passing of Malcolm from politics with sincere regret.
Who else could have provided so much great copy out of the Utegate affair while at the same time, however inadvertently, saving Wayne Swan’s skin and martyring Godwin Grech?
There is no question that it was Malcolm which made the ETS famous, an achievement quite beyond Kevin and Penny.
Malcolm’s political career however was always prime minister or bust. He thrusted, lusted, combusted, disgusted, mistrusted but never readjusted and so busted.
On behalf of Friday Mash thank you Malcolm for all the wonderful material and may Kevin find you a great job soon.
Dick Head is currently advising the NSW Government on amnesia.
Tags: Bredan Nelson, Cephologists, Dick Head, ETS, Godwin Grech, Julie Bishop, Liberals, Malcolm Turnbull, Penny Wong, South Australia, Tasmania, the Greens, Tony Abbott, Utegate, vote-counting, Wayne Swan
Posted in Canberra correspondent - Dick Head | 1 Comment »
Latest Friday Mash polling has produced some compelling insights into the standing of Aussie political leaders amongst the electorate.
.5% preferred Kevin as prime minister, .4% preferred Tony and 99.1% preferred ‘other’. In fact Kevin went down sixty points because of a marked trend amongst the electorate towards preferring the other. Tony went up .1% owing to a statistical error.
People smugglers came out strongly for Kevin because he’s much better for business. Asylum seekers favoured Tony because they perceived that when it came to getting the support of the Aussie community he was in much the same boat.
They also thought Tony would be a better lifesaver if their boat sank but were interested in a game of deck quoits with Kevin on the voyage across from Indonesia.
95% of respondents expressed the strong view that Kevin should spend more time abroad. This result may heave been unduly skewed by multiple responses in the affirmative from his staff and his parliamentary colleagues especially Julia.
In response to the question ‘who would you prefer to instruct your daughter about sex?’ there was an overwhelming vote in favour of Kevin because he’s all talk and no action.
Tony was seen as a sex symbol amongst nuns and triathlon groupies. Kevin’s image varied between neutral and neutered although he turns on Tin Tin fans.
Kevin scored very heavily in response to the question ‘who would you trust to keep the home fires burning?’ but Tony was equally favoured in response to ‘who would you trust to keep a roof over your head?’
Kevin was strongly supported by building contractors specialising in schools and hospitals. Parents were ambivalent. Whilst they were pleased that Covered Outside Learning Areas prevented their kids from burning they realised that as taxpayers they were getting burned instead.
Women are appreciative of Tony’s post-natal policy for salary support but are pissed off by his view that they shouldn’t have a pre-natal choice of whether to qualify for it or not.
Kevin was strongly preferred as saviour of the world from global warming and the global financial crisis but Tony, as living proof that a celibate Abbott is an oxymoron, was thought to be a better bet for saving it from catholic priests.
Kevin was more popular amongst people like Poms who do everything with their clothes on while nudists are confident that Tony will be Australia’s first topless prime minister.
Kevin is rated favourite to become Australian’s first president while Tony’ intimate experiences with budgies is seen to put him ahead of Charles in the King of Australia pecking order.
Competition between Kevin and Tony is expected to intensify now there’s no Malcolm in the middle.
Tags: Add new tag, asylum seekers, Indonesia, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, nudists, people smugglers, Prince Charles, Tin Tin, Tony Abbott
Posted in Politics, Weekly Mash | No Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
9th April 2010
Dear Mr President,
You are simply not going to believe this. My beloved Eels got beaten by the Cronulla Sharks of all people. That’s like your mob the Chicago White Sox getting trounced by the Alaskan Little Leaguers coached by Sarah Palin.
I follow the Eels religiously especially at Easter but sometimes my faith is sorely tested especially now that the Tigers are playing like Angels.
What do you think about this dreadful business with the catholic priests. I hope you’ve given the Pope a bit of a rollocking over it. I’d love to give him a piece of my mind. Fancy confessing to someone who’s got more to confess than you have. If he needs any help tell the Pope I’ve got a guaranteed way of making a prelate celibate. Give him a good hard kick in the cobblers.
I was shocked to hear that Malcolm’s getting out of politics though I wont miss him much and neither will Tony. Fancy trying to get Kevin fired for doing his mate John a good turn. Then he tried to help Kevin with the ETS and really stuffed that. And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if it was Malcolm who persuaded Kevin to get into that insulation mess.
Malcolm reminded me of someone driving one of those Toyota cars with the accelerator jammed on 200kms an hour. He was racing flat out towards the prime ministers office knocking over Brendan Nelson and Godwin Grech on the way before finally crashing into the ETS barrier which Kevin had craftily put in his way.
I’m terribly worried that Kevin is overheating. He’s trying to stop global warming and people’s roofs catching fire while Tony’s applying a blowtorch to his backside over schools and hospitals.
Neville says that if you’ve got a few bucks to spare he’ll go into partnership with you in a hospitals building company and there might still be some business to pick up from schools. In view of where most of his stimulus money’s been going recently I’m sure Kevin would see it as an improvement if some of it landed up in the US.
Owing to the Easter break we didn’t have a meeting of the World Affairs Think Tank this week. Hope that’s ok with you. Instead Mildred and I went down to the Canberra Press Club to hear Bob Brown talk about securing Australia’s future energy needs. According to him coal and gas are a total no-no, nuclear power is worse and all he’s keen on is wavepower and windpower. It all sounded like a load of piss and wind to me.
Have you read about that huge Chinese ship carrying coal which crashed into the Barrier Reef? Bloody outrage. I’d arrest the captain and charge him with cruising round the Barrier Reef without a licence from Queensland Tourism. Then I’d sentence him to ten years and send him back to China in exchange for Stern Hu and a massive iron ore contract.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo,
President
Tags: Alaskan Little Leaguers, Balmain Tigers, Barrier Reef, Bob Brown, Brendan Nelson, Canberra Press Club, Chicago White Sox, China, Cronulla Sharks, education revolution, Eels, ETS, global warming, Godwin Grech, healthcare, iron ore, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Queensland Tourism, Sarah Palin, Stern Hu, stimulus, The Pope, Tony Abbott, Toyota cars, US
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There has long been a suspicion that Malcolm’s surname had something to do with him being born in a manger.
Over the years, however, his claims as the ultimate Saviour have been undermined by an excess of epiphanies.
It is true that for most of his life he has been a leading Profit of the Neo-liberal faith. His reputation was confirmed by a number of miracles while Wizard of OzEmail and an ability to turn loaves and fishes into dollars.
His first deviation from the path of true righteousness was a dance with the devil of republicanism. This enraged King John who was the Neo-Liberal Monarch of the Land and he gave Malcolm a right royal kick up the referendum.
In his infinite mercy King John forgave Malcolm and encouraged his election to the Neo-Liberal broad church where he became Apostle of Water and Environment. Malcolm thought it would be a great opportunity to get amongst the greenbacks but instead it awakened within him a calling to Climate Change.
King Kevin, the leader of Climate Change in Australia, dethroned King John to become the new leader of the land while climate change disciple Malcolm became Leader of the Neo-Liberals.
At this time Godwin, a leading disciple of Malcolm’s, told him he had a vehicle for running over King Kevin and putting Malcolm in the driver’s seat. Alas it turned out to be merely a humble ute and Godwin was bearing false witness.
Some of the Neo-Liberals became really pissed with Malcolm over the parable of Utegate as well as his sermons in support of climate change and the religious ETS fanatic Penny.
The polls were indicating that his bright star had long since fallen from its position over Bethlehem and even Canberra.
A pall of smoke heavy with carbon emissions announced that the College of Cardinal Neo-Liberals had replaced Malcolm as Leader with the Mad Monk. Malcolm was quietly crucified and left to carry a Cross between Utegate and Climate Change of his own making.
And it came to pass that Barnaby, a leading Neo-Liberal apostle kept stuffing up his maths and the Mad Monk decided he had to be moved to a different diocese.
Deep within his humble resting place in the wastes of Westworth a flicker of Neo-Liberal life stirred within Malcolm. He was confident his maths were up to the job.
The Mad Monk, however, was not so sure. He believed Malcolm still followed the teachings of Climate Change. Before he got back into bed with Malcolm, he perceived he would need the sort of protection forbidden to him by another religion which keeps getting in his way.
And so it came to pass that there will be no Resurrection of Malcolm this Easter. It’s such a shame because his disciples had already booked a church to celebrate. And sadly they only needed a small church.
Malcolm is left with Easter Egg all over his face.
Tags: Barnaby Joyce, Bethlehem, Climate Change, Easter Egg, ETS, Godwin Grech, John Howard, Kevin Rudd, Mad Monk, Malcolm Turnbull, OzEmail, Penny Wong, Utegate
Posted in Politics, Weekly Mash | No Comments »
The volume of Labor Party invective against Tony Abbott has been most impressive.
In the past month they’ve labelled him a financial illiterate, a shameless hypocrite, a policy loose cannon, a health budget vandal, a poor man’s John Howard, a resident nutter, a homophobe, an enemy of women, sex obsessed, the worst-ever Minister of Health, a religious zealot, an irresponsible legislation blocker, a neo-liberal extremist, a dinosaur, a climate anarchist, a person unfit to be prime minister, a work choices threat to working families and, horror of horrors, the new Mark Latham.
Such a comprehensive deluge of abuse doesn’t happen without intensive development and planning and the Labor Party are to be congratulated on designing and sustaining such a tremendous tirade.
Tony also deserves congratulations on becoming the most vilified-ever politician and surpassing the record achieved by Malcolm at the height of the Utegate affair. What’s more this exercise has revealed him as possessing all of the mandatory qualities needed to become prime minister.
It was disappointing however that while Labor’s assault had many admirable qualities it was sadly lacking in wit and style.
It contained nothing in the same class as Paul Keating’s immortal words ‘all tip and no iceberg’, ‘feral abacus’ and ’24 carat pissant’.
Source: AAP
And who could forget the sheer resonance of Mark Latham’s nuanced ‘conga line of suckholes’, ‘arselickers’ and ‘skanky ho’.
Labor should have taken the trouble to finesse their Tony trashing with phrases like ‘a budgie in search of a smuggler’, ‘two miracles short of a sainthood’ and ‘a bishop short of a choirboy sex scandal’.
So far Tony’s ripostes to Kevin have also disappointed. ‘Liar’, ‘all hat and no cowboy’ and ‘Dr Death’ are hardly destined for folklore status. “Parliamentary anaethetist’ in the hospitals debate showed a bit of promise.
Arguably the most intriguing aspect of all this political badinage is the readiness of Kevin, Wayne and Anthony Albanese, of all people, to trash Mark Latham.
Only a few years ago Julia thought he was a larrikin with the bold vision to lead Labor into the twenty-first century and Kevin was equally as effusive. They were unequivocal in spending millions to sell Mark to the Australian electorate as a true water-walker.
Can it possibly be that they have changed their mind? Are we now to understand he was in truth a bigger disaster than the home insulation scheme and an apology will follow in due course?
The Labor Party might well remember that it was the electorate who sussed him out first.
Both Malcolm and Tony have been branded Latham reincarnations by Labor. In addition Tony is apparently a ‘poor man’s John Howard’. This is particularly impressive. A Howard-Latham combination would make a formidable prime minister.
It is interesting to speculate how long it will be before a Coalition leader who is all spin and no wickets will be labelled by Labor as the new Kevin.
Paul Keating memorably referred to John Howard as ‘the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague’. Sadly that sort of thing doesn’t seem to be catching.
Tags: Anthony Albanese, John Howard, Julia Gillard, Kevin Rudd, Labor Party, Malcolm Turnbull, Mark Latham, Paul Keating, sex scandal, Tony Abbott, Utegate, Wayne Swan
Posted in Politics, Weekly Mash | 3 Comments »
Newsletter from Australia
White House,
Washington DC.,
25th March 2010
Dear Mr President,
We’re so proud of you here at the Club. I’ve always said that if there’s one thing Americans need its healthcare. All those hot dogs and hamburgers can’t be good for you.
The world’s first Obama Fan Club had a wonderful healthcare celebration party this week. I dressed as a nurse as a bit of a giggle but it really turned Neville on and I gave everyone a tin of bandaids as a momento.
We’ve got over the disappointment of not seeing you this month and look forward to your visit in June. You won’t believe what we’re planning for you. Actually it was my idea. We’re going to invite you to a Tea Party. Don’t panic, here’s the genius bit. We plan to hold it at the former HQ of the Australian Democrats. Unfortunately they became extinct but I know you’ll appreciate the symbolism.
The trip to Aussie will give you the opportunity to relax and forget about health insurance and abortions even those which are two thousand seven hundred pages long.
I was shocked beyond words the other night when I heard what that guy said about Kevin on Lateline. For reference see: http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/201003/r534578_3064633.asx
As you know I’ve always regarded Kevin as a fair dinkum trustworthy Prime Minister who is firm but fair, someone in charge you can really rely on to do the right thing by working families.
This Kroger chap, who’s obviously a Liberal, said Kevin was contemptuous of his staff and colleagues, abusive, difficult to get along with, rude, friendless and an all-round pain in the perpendicular. What’s more he claimed that Julia of all people was ready to knife him for his job.
I’ve been waiting for all his staff and colleagues to flood radio and television with outrage, rebuttals and protestations of undying love. So far nothing’s happened but I’m quietly confident someone will get their arm twisted soon.
As I said to Marge on Monday could it possibly be that I’m wrong about this great man, this 07 heaven which has brought me such hope and inspiration. Actually I wouldn’t mind so such about the swearing, I occasionally lapse myself, or about being abusive to his mates; the thing that worries me most is that he hasn’t got any mates.
It’s a big shock suddenly to be confronted with the possibility that your hero is a monster. I always thought the reason he got a bit grumpy was that he’s had Malcolm and Tony for breakfast so many times he suffers from chronic indigestion.
Marge said that if he was as popular in the electorate as he was in parliament his approval rating would be even lower than Malcolm’s.
She thinks he should spend some time at a four-letter-word addiction clinic. I thought that was a f—ing stupid idea.
Relief at last. Kevin was masterful in the hospitals debate with Tony Abbott last Tuesday. I don’t know exactly where he inserted his scalpel but at the end of the debate Tony was totally knackered.
Till next week,
Gaelene Woo
President
Tags: abortion, Australian Democrats, Barack Obama, insurance, Julia Gillard, Kevin 07, Kevin Rudd, Kevin07, Lateline, Malcolm Turnbull, Michael Kroger, Obama Healthcare, Obamacare, Tony Abbott
Posted in Obama Fan Club | 2 Comments »
OBAMA RUDD CALL
This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly winged his way back to the US, managed to penetrate White House security and found a place on an Oval Office wall just as the President was on the phone to the Prime Minister of Australia.
Guy showed great courage in undertaking this mission in view of the President’s well-publicised skills in fly zapping. Here is his exclusive report.
‘You’re right Kevin’ said Obama ‘I had no idea how difficult it would be to get a healthcare plan up and running. It’s being blocked by Republicans and healthy people’
‘I see you’ve got Nicola Roxon out there fronting your hospitals plan. It’s such a great idea to have a patient doing the selling for you. I do hope she makes a full recovery’
‘The problem is I want a comprehensive healthcare plan but the Republicans just want to strip everything off. No, not Sarah Palin thank goodness’
‘Those price-gouging health insurance companies only want to insure healthy people. Yes that’s a great idea Kevin, a publicly owned health insurance scheme which only insures people in bad health but is paid for by taxes from healthy people. Wait a bit though wouldn’t that mean that healthy people would claim to be suffering from some awful disease like neo-liberalism? Of course, that would be a dead giveaway. They’re just the people we want to tax. Brilliant’
‘Will my healthcare plan send America broke? Of course not. We’ve had Barnaby Joyce over here going through the numbers and he’s found the trillions we owe are actually billions’
‘Yes I’m definitely going to try and get the healthcare bill passed through reconciliation. What’s that? Reconciliation works better if you say ‘sorry’ first. I don’t think that would work over here’
‘It looks like Gordon Brown’s going to lose the UK election. Yes I know, he can be a terrible bully. I don’t think it’s going to be a problem for us because David Cameron seems like forty-five degrees to the left of Sean Penn and the Chinese Politburo.
‘What’s the ETS situation down there? Oh really, that bad. Frankly we’re reluctant to do too much about climate change in the US in case we cause next winter to be even colder than this one. But didn’t Malcolm Turnbull cross the floor to vote for the ETS?
Yes its such shame that he’s a republican’
‘No sorry Kevin I can’t lease Guantanamo Bay to you just yet. I know you’ve got asylum seeker problems but someone in my administration has just had the brilliant idea that down there would be the ideal place to put the terrorists on trial. Eric Holder wanted the trials to be in New York. Can you imagine all the cost and the chaos that would cause?’
‘Yes. I’m rally looking forward to the trip to Australia and meeting people like Tony Abbott. Really, but I heard he was the leader of the liberals. You mean to say that some of the liberals over there are conservatives? Then how can I tell the difference between the left-wing liberals and the conservative liberals. Oh I see the left-wing liberals are hairy and don’t dress very well just like Barney Frank. Thanks that’s a real help’
‘Is there anything I can bring over for you? What about a copy of my healthcare plan? No ? Yes I’m really looking to addressing the joint session of parliament. Just a thought. Peter Garrett didn’t insulate the parliament building did he?’
Tags: Barack, Barack Obama, Barnaby Joyce, Barney Frank, Chinese Politburo, Climate Change, David Cameron, Eric Holder, ETS, Fly on the Wall, Gordon Brown, Guantanamo Bay, Guy the Fly, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, neo-liberalism, Nicola Roxon, Obama Healthcare, Obamacare, President of US, Sarah Palin, Sean Penn, Tony Abbott, UK election
Posted in Fly on the Wall | 17 Comments »
No Interest
No wonder the Reserve Bank doesn’t have any customers. It’s always the first to raise interest rates.
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Full Montys
Everyone who turned up at the Opera House with their gear off had parts in the mass nude shoot. Most of them were private.
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The Right Prescription
Kevin’s hospitals plan is very timely. People are beginning to get sick of him.
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A Suitable Case for Treatment
State governments running hospitals are not good for our health, the federal-state shared responsibility structure is a bigger health threat than smoking, and giving Nicola Roxon sole charge of hospitals would make Peter Garrett look like an expert on safety in the home.
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A Candidate for Premier
It is difficult to ascertain if Michelle Chantelois is a candidate in the upcoming South Australian election. Most commentators, however, agree that she’s an also-Rann.
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A Really Sorry Day
Political strategists believe it will be another six months before Kevin starts apologising for his hospitals plan.
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The Name Game
Hugo Chavez recently called Hillary Clinton ‘the blond Condoleezza’. How outrageous. The next thing he‘ll be calling Obama ‘the black George W Bush’.
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Bad Taste
Following his sojourn in the outback Tony Abbott is undecided about which left the nastier taste in his mouth, Malcolm crossing the floor or witchetty grubs.
Tags: Barack Obama, Condoleezza Rice, George W Bush, Health, healthcare, Hillary Clinton, hospitals, Hugo Chavez, interest rates, Kevin Rudd, Malcolm Turnbull, Michelle Chantelois, Mike Rann, Nicola Roxon, Opera House, Peter Garrett, President of US, RBA, Sorry, Tony Abbott, witchetty grubs
Posted in Carbon Emissions | No Comments »
Back from two brilliantly successful assignments in the US Guy the Friday Mash Superfly managed to find space on a wall overlooking an emergency meeting of Kevin’s spin doctors. Here is his exclusive report.
‘This insulation thing’s an absolute disaster’ said Greg ‘We can’t unload any of the blame onto Malcolm or Tony. What the hell are we going to do about it?’
‘I think we should re-emphasise Kevin’s commitment to working families’ said Brendan
‘Are you kidding?’ snapped Greg ‘most of them are cowering in their homes frightened their roof is about to catch fire’
‘Perhaps this is the time’ said Sharon ‘to introduce a new idiosyncratic Kevin phrase like ‘systemic programmatic specificities’
‘Perhaps this is the time Shaz for you to get a job with Tony Abbott’ said Greg
‘I’ve got it’ said Brendan ‘we should package Kevin as the Global Statesman’
Illustration: Jim Pavlidis (The Age)
‘They’re not going to buy it’ said Greg ‘Copenhagen was an unmitigated Kevin disaster, nobody can understand what he’s talking about in China even when he talks in English and he’s just sent an ambassador to Washington in a wheelchair’
‘Bingo’ said Sharon ‘Kevin 07 plus 3. The man who saved Australia from a complete insulation disaster by taking the courageous and fearless decision to fire Peter Garrett.
‘Too dangerous’ said Greg ‘he’ll probably have to save Australia from further disasters by courageously and fearlessly firing Nicola Roxon and Stephen Conroy and then maybe the public will start thinking its time to courageously and fearlessly fire Kevin. Hold that thought on Kevin 07 plus 3 though. That’s interesting’
‘I’ve had an idea’ said Brendan ‘Obama’s coming here soon. Perhaps we could persuade him to call Kevin the Wizard of Oz or something’
‘Too dangerous’ said Greg ‘he might get mixed up and call him the Tin Man or the Man of Tin’
‘I know’ said Sharon ‘the Action Man’
‘Oh please’ said Greg ‘That’s just the point. He hasn’t done anything except hand out money’
‘But’ said Sharon ‘we could portray him as the Super Action Man who takes on and defeats Action Man Abbott’
‘Oh sure’ said Greg ‘I can just see Kevin poleaxing Tony in a boxing ring or wearing budgie smugglers. On Kevin they’d look more like tadpole smugglers’
‘Ok smarty’ said Sharon ‘what’s your brilliant idea then? If we don’t come up with a new spin strategy soon there’s a danger the public will begin to see Kevin as he really is.
‘My key spin strategy is to get Kevin to accept responsibility for the insulation disaster’ said Greg ‘The public will appreciate the gesture but nobody will seriously believe its his fault. Then to reinforce that belief he should fire Peter’
‘Brilliant’ said Sharon ‘we can then spin him as the mea culpa prime minister. The public will suss its Kevin selflessly taking the blame for his incompetent minister’
‘And if it works for insulation’ said Brendan ‘it can work for hospitals, the national broadband network, the ETS …’
‘Yes alright’ said Greg ‘ Let’s get Kevin in to brief him on the mea culpa prime minister spin strategy and Shaz ring Kerry O’Brien to book a date to launch it on The 7.30 Report.
Tags: Ambassabor to Washington, Barack Obama, China, Copenhagen, education, ETS, Fly on the Wall, Guy the Fly, home insulation scheme, Kevin Rudd, Kevin07, KRudd, Malcolm Turnbull, national broadband network, Nicola Roxon, Peter Garrett, President Obama, Stephen Conroy, systemic programmatic specificities, Tony Abbott, Wizard of Oz
Posted in Fly on the Wall | No Comments »
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