In rugby league circles a sobering thought has been gaining momentum. Players are getting suspended, fined and fired for consuming the products of on-air TV sponsors which they are supposed to promote.

In a non-descript bar in inner Sydney the audacity of hope has once again come to the rescue. One of the game’s leading thinkers was forced to pause mid-schooner as he reeled from the shockwaves of not one but two flashes of pure genius.

Rugby league and grog he realised were inseparable and what’s more if it’s ok to drive up to .05 then it’s ok for playing rugby league.

Upon hearing these revelations the game’s leading administrators could hardly contain their excitement. Suddenly there was a future for the game beyond relying on the authorities to grant day release to players on match days.

Some commentators were of the view that the rugby league’s problems were all off the field but John Hopoate poked a hole in that theory.

It is believed that as part of revolutionary changes planned for the game players would be allowed to train and play matches with a blood alcohol level up to .05. A couple of cold ones before they take the field will help to steady players’ nerves and overcome hangovers from previous matches.

This strict new alcohol regime has only been made possible by state-of-the-art breath testing technology. During a game micro-chips embedded in players’ mouths would transmit signals to a touchline breath monitoring station. If a player’s blood alcohol level is monitored at below .02 a trainer would rush out with a revitalising top-up can.

On the other hand if a blood alcohol level exceeds .05, due to the consumption of an incremental pre-match can or two, the player immediately gets ten minutes in the grog bin.

Administrators have finally concluded there’s only one way to stop players drink driving, ban them from driving.

There will be no limit on the alcohol level for referees. Everyone believes they are blind anyway so if that’s the state they are actually in no one will notice.

Measures in prospect to help get player off-field activities under control are especially encouraging. Pubs and clubs could soon have binge bars, a concept tailor-made for rugby league players.

Binge bars will be designed to withstand drunken rampages, assaults, glass throwing, indecent exposure and riots. The strict bar dress code for non-players is likely to be body armour, hard hats and boxes (optional for ladies).

Extremely strict licensing laws will be enforced in all binge bars. Anyone drinking at a rate of under six schooners an hour and showing obvious signs of sobriety will be escorted to a public bar for their own safety. They will not be readmitted until they have satisfied the landlord they can meet the consumption and behavioural standards required under the terms of his binge drinking licence.

As part of its player education programme the NRL is thought to be considering a binge drinking course. Successful students would be invited to a special passing out ceremony.

Following a recent incident in an hotel NRL toilet training courses will need a new set of directions.

Some critics believe this programme could mean the end of state of origin because players wont be able to remember where they came from but others are looking forward to a state of oblivion.