Guy the Friday Mash Superfly timed his flight brilliantly to land on a wall in the NSW Premier’s office just as she was discussing David Campbell’s demise with Joe Tripodi. Here is his exclusive report.
‘Why on earth didn’t David tell me he was gay?’ mused Kristina ‘I could have helped him’
‘What would you have done’ asked Joe ‘set up a Ken’s of Kensington branch in the parliamentary building?’
‘Oh dear’ said Kristina ‘what’s the next disaster I’m going to suffer?’
‘The next disaster’ said Joe ‘will probably be a gay minister visiting a heterosexual brothel where his wife works or a bisexual minister visiting there and Ken’s on the same day’
‘Now let’s see’ said Kristina ‘who should replace David?’
‘Sorry’ said Joe ‘I can’t discuss that with you because people will say you’re my puppet’
‘I know’ said Kristina ‘I keep telling everyone that you don’t pull the strings around here but they don’t believe me. If by chance you somehow happen inadvertently to indicate whom the Right Faction would contemplate as David’s successor who might that be?’
‘Well’ said Joe ‘I know you like Frank Sartor and its not for me to comment except to indicate in passing that he’s an absolute two-faced, two-timing turd who should be left in the environment portfolio to biodegrade’
‘I quite like Frank’ said Kristina
‘None of us are perfect’ said Joe ‘but Frank’s a member of the NSW Wrong and we need a new minister from the NSW Right. Far be it from me to influence you in the slightest way as to who that should be but as a special favour I can tell you there’s the distinct possibility of open revolt if its not John Roberston’
‘What about John Della Bosca?’ asked Kristina
‘He’s not fully rehabilitated yet’ said Joe ‘You could be in moral danger if you work too closely with him. And if his wife got the slightest suspicion, however unfounded of course, that could provoke a crisis which would make the David Campbell affair look like a June Dally-Watkins course in etiquette.
‘How do you think David’s outing will affect our gay vote?’ asked Kristina
‘It’s a great opportunity to increase it’ said Joe ‘The Mardi Gras Parade is just before the next election. Let’s put David on a NSW Government float’
‘I’m still not asking officially of course’ said Kristina ‘but by any chance would you happen to know of any other candidates for David’s job?’
‘Well’ said Joe ‘you could consider me I suppose but don’t forget I have to retain my power-broking role in case you stuff up before the next election and I have to find someone to replace you’
‘But we’re not discussing that I take it’ said Kristina ‘nor my plan to replace you as the member for Fairfield but rather we’re concentrating on not discussing who should be the next Transport Minister in a way that doesn’t make me look like a puppet and I would really appreciate a hand’
‘Sure’ said Joe
‘No, not up my back’
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