There has long been a suspicion that Malcolm’s surname had something to do with him being born in a manger.

Over the years, however, his claims as the ultimate Saviour have been undermined by an excess of epiphanies.

It is true that for most of his life he has been a leading Profit of the Neo-liberal faith. His reputation was confirmed by a number of miracles while Wizard of OzEmail and an ability to turn loaves and fishes into dollars.

His first deviation from the path of true righteousness was a dance with the devil of republicanism. This enraged King John who was the Neo-Liberal Monarch of the Land and he gave Malcolm a right royal kick up the referendum.

In his infinite mercy King John forgave Malcolm and encouraged his election to the Neo-Liberal broad church where he became Apostle of Water and Environment. Malcolm thought it would be a great opportunity to get amongst the greenbacks but instead it awakened within him a calling to Climate Change.

King Kevin, the leader of Climate Change in Australia, dethroned King John to become the new leader of the land while climate change disciple Malcolm became Leader of the Neo-Liberals.

At this time Godwin, a leading disciple of Malcolm’s, told him he had a vehicle for running over King Kevin and putting Malcolm in the driver’s seat. Alas it turned out to be merely a humble ute and Godwin was bearing false witness.

Some of the Neo-Liberals became really pissed with Malcolm over the parable of Utegate as well as his sermons in support of climate change and the religious ETS fanatic Penny.

The polls were indicating that his bright star had long since fallen from its position over Bethlehem and even Canberra.

A pall of smoke heavy with carbon emissions announced that the College of Cardinal Neo-Liberals had replaced Malcolm as Leader with the Mad Monk. Malcolm was quietly crucified and left to carry a Cross between Utegate and Climate Change of his own making.

And it came to pass that Barnaby, a leading Neo-Liberal apostle kept stuffing up his maths and the Mad Monk decided he had to be moved to a different diocese.

Deep within his humble resting place in the wastes of Westworth a flicker of Neo-Liberal life stirred within Malcolm. He was confident his maths were up to the job.

The Mad Monk, however, was not so sure. He believed Malcolm still followed the teachings of Climate Change. Before he got back into bed with Malcolm, he perceived he would need the sort of protection forbidden to him by another religion which keeps getting in his way.

And so it came to pass that there will be no Resurrection of Malcolm this Easter. It’s such a shame because his disciples had already booked a church to celebrate. And sadly they only needed a small church.

Malcolm is left with Easter Egg all over his face.