Guy the Friday Mash Superfly alighted on a wall in the cabinet office just as David Cameron and Nick Clegg were discussing prospects for a coalition between the Conservative Party and the Liberal Democrats. We have just received this exclusive communiqué.
‘Thank heavens Gordon’s decided to go’ said Nick
Source: UK Telegraph
‘Well look’ said Nick ‘Labor has promised us a reform of the voting system’
‘They wont agree to any system which delivers less seats and forces them into a coalition’ said David ‘and neither will we unless I’m the Prime Minister’
‘But’ said Nick ‘my party insists on its right to be the kingmaker’
‘Well that’s one way to get support from Charles and Camilla’ said David ‘but you can’t be serious about doing a deal with Mandelson and the Milibands. They’re like Ireland’s performance in the Twenty/20 world cup. A non-event’
‘Labor are arguably a better coalition fit for us’ said Nick
‘If you get into bed with that lot’ said David ‘they’d consummate the marriage by giving you a right shafting’
‘Listen’ said Nick ‘there are people in my party who think that getting into bed with the Tories would be amoral, asexual and unacceptably anal’
‘All you would get from Labor’ said David ‘is a camp bed with bedfellows to match’
‘David Miliband’s not a bad chap’ said Nick ‘although I don’t think I could stand a load of Balls’
‘If you formed a coalition with that load of losers’ said David ‘it would be like helping Accrington Stanley reserves get into the Premier League’
‘My problem’ said Nick ‘is that some people in my party think that a coalition with the Tories would be like marrying the lovechild of George W Bush and Margaret Thatcher’
‘My problem’ said David ‘is that some people in my party think that a Coalition with the Lib Dems would be like joining a hippie pot-smoking commune’
‘What the hell’ said Nick ‘every party’s got its share of loonies, why don’t we ignore them and just get on with it?’
Source: UK Telegraph
‘Good idea’ said David ‘let’s do a coalition deal that tackles the financial crisis responsibly and decisively, stipulates a referendum on electoral reform and gives the country the stable secure government it deserves’
‘Couldn’t agree more’ said Nick ‘and don’t forget all my members get unlimited parliamentary expenses’
‘Of course’ said David
‘Ok’ said Nick ‘I’m just popping off for a meeting with Mandelson and the Milibands to discuss matters of mutual interest and I’ll get back to you’
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