OBAMA RUDD CALL

This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly winged his way back to the US, managed to penetrate White House security and found a place on an Oval Office wall just as the President was on the phone to the Prime Minister of Australia.

Guy showed great courage in undertaking this mission in view of the President’s well-publicised skills in fly zapping. Here is his exclusive report.

‘You’re right Kevin’ said Obama ‘I had no idea how difficult it would be to get a healthcare plan up and running.  It’s being blocked by Republicans and healthy people’

‘I see you’ve got Nicola Roxon out there fronting your hospitals plan. It’s such a great idea to have a patient doing the selling for you. I do hope she makes a full recovery’

‘The problem is I want a comprehensive healthcare plan but the Republicans just want to strip everything off.  No, not Sarah Palin thank goodness’

‘Those price-gouging health insurance companies only want to insure healthy people.  Yes that’s a great idea Kevin, a publicly owned health insurance scheme which only insures people in bad health but is paid for by taxes from healthy people.  Wait a bit though wouldn’t that mean that healthy people would claim to be suffering from some awful disease like neo-liberalism?  Of course, that would be a dead giveaway.  They’re just the people we want to tax.  Brilliant’

‘Will my healthcare plan send America broke?  Of course not.  We’ve had Barnaby Joyce over here going through the numbers and he’s found the trillions we owe are actually billions’

‘Yes I’m definitely going to try and get the healthcare bill passed through reconciliation.  What’s that?  Reconciliation works better if you say ‘sorry’ first. I don’t think that would work over here’

‘It looks like Gordon Brown’s going to lose the UK election.  Yes I know, he can be a terrible bully.  I don’t think it’s going to be a problem for us because David Cameron seems like forty-five degrees to the left of Sean Penn and the Chinese Politburo.

‘What’s the ETS situation down there?  Oh really, that bad.  Frankly we’re reluctant to do too much about climate change in the US in case we cause next winter to be even colder than this one.  But didn’t Malcolm Turnbull cross the floor to vote for the ETS?

Yes its such shame that  he’s a republican’

‘No sorry Kevin I can’t lease Guantanamo Bay to you just yet. I know you’ve got asylum seeker problems but someone in my administration has just had the brilliant idea that down there would be the ideal place to put the terrorists on trial.  Eric Holder wanted the trials to be in New York.  Can you imagine all the cost and the chaos that would cause?’

‘Yes.  I’m rally looking forward to the trip to Australia and meeting people like Tony Abbott.  Really, but I heard he was the leader of the liberals.  You mean to say that some of the liberals over there are conservatives?  Then how can I tell the difference between the left-wing liberals and the conservative liberals.  Oh I see the left-wing liberals are hairy and don’t dress very well just like Barney Frank.  Thanks that’s a real help’

‘Is there anything I can bring over for you? What about a copy of my healthcare plan? No ? Yes I’m really looking to addressing the joint session of parliament. Just a thought. Peter Garrett didn’t insulate the parliament building did he?’