Yap No. 5
‘Big O’ I said ‘why do you think you didn’t get an invite to the Clinton wedding?’
‘I don’t know’ said Big O ‘I must say I was a bit surprised. It would have been nice to have the weekend away and Michelle’s got a lovely new dress she could have worn’
I’d sensed that Big O was a bit miffed at not getting a guernsey and so I thought I’d test the waters a bit.
‘Perhaps the Clintons thought you would be one president too many’ I said ‘or perhaps your presence would be another irritating reminder that Hillary lost in 08’
‘I’ve got another theory’ said Big O ‘Perhaps Hillary saw the occasion as one of the first steps in her 2012 presidential campaign, symbolising the start of a union with the American people’
‘That’s an interesting thought’ I said ‘and Bill could hardly complain about her being unfaithful. Were there any republican voters there?’
‘Not that I could see’ said Big O ‘I hear they were going to have a tea party the day before the wedding but they cancelled it when Sarah Palin threatened to attend’
‘I wonder which of the parents talked to Chelsea about the values of marriage’ I mused
‘It had to be her mother’ said Big O ‘because its rumoured her father did the pre-nuptial chat with Tiger Woods’
‘That’s interesting’ I said ‘I wonder who did the pre-nuptial chat for Bill and Hillary. It was probably John Edwards’
‘‘Tell you what’ said Big O ‘wouldn’t it have been fun if you’d been invited to speak at the reception?’
‘You bet’ I said ‘I could have given an environmental speech stressing the need to avoid creating any litter on the honeymoon’
‘I wonder if Monica Lewinsky was there’ pondered Big O ‘She used to be very close to Bill’
‘There was as much chance of Monica being invited’ I said ‘as George W Bush, Ahmadinejad, the Boston Strangler, any member of the Palin family, Glenn Beck, Charles Manson, Lady Gaga, the board of BP, Roman Polanski, the Taliban and the inmates at Guantanamo Bay’
‘I’m surprised they didn’t invite Tony Blair’ said Big O ‘I hear he lives very close to Chelsea’
‘I’ll tell you what’ I said ‘I was half expecting an invite from that bitch at the Clinton’s to be her wedding date. She couldn’t possibly have invited Barney, the Bush’s dog, because he’s republican’
‘Well I promise you Bo’ said Big O ‘that you’ll get an invite to the weddings of both my daughters providing you bring the Clinton’s bitch as your date. That would be very funny because her owners definitely won’t be there’
‘Don’t you think’ I asked ‘that Chelsea is a strange name to call a daughter?’
‘Oh I don’t know’ said Big O ‘I just think she was very lucky her parents didn’t support Manchester United’
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