Guy the Friday Mash Superfly managed to land on a wall at the location of a recent meeting between prominent people smugglers in Indonesia. He has just sent in this exclusive report.
‘It’s an absolute outrage’ said Kris ‘Tony Abbott’s new policy could put us out of business’
‘I know’ said Gus ‘what’s more it’s inhumane. He’s proposing to send our boats back here when most of them are scarcely seaworthy enough to make it to Christmas Island let alone make a return trip’
‘The Australian Government is a joke’ said Andi ‘We can’t afford to send the asylum seekers in decent boats because they conviscate them all. If they allowed us to do return trips we could afford to use boats with passenger lounges and put on a catering service’
‘It’s difficult to understand their mindset’ said Gus ‘they have this population expansion policy so they need immigrants but we get dumped on for making it happen’
‘Well’ said Kris ‘I hope they understand they’re in danger of losing their status as the world’s number one asylum seeker destination. It’s almost as difficult working with Rudd as it would be with Abbott’
‘We’ll have to think about sailing to a different asylum’ said Andi
‘How about New Zealand?’
‘Good heavens’ said Andi ‘I know we can be pretty ruthless bastards but we’re not that bad’
‘If only the Australian Government would get out of the way said Kris ‘we’ve got enough punters in the supply line to repopulate Darwin’
‘It’s ironic’ said Gus ‘that the Aussies are going on about the wonderful cultural diversity asylum seekers bring to the joint yet they’re sending the Federal Police over here to hunt us down like we’re criminals’
‘I can’t believe it’ said Andi ‘you would think we’d be in line for a United Nations humanitarian award for all the great work we do helping persecuted people find a sanctuary. I must say there are days when I feel quite humanitarian’
‘And the Aussies criticise us for charging the asylum seekers too much’ said Gus ‘ Do they think we are running a bloody benevolent society?’
‘Is there any chance Abbott will get elected?’ asked Kris
‘There’s a chance’ said Andi ‘so we’ve got to get some contingency plans together because we might go back to the inhumane days of that ghastly John Howard. How about if we start a selection process and only accept genuine refugees?’
‘’That wouldn’t impress Abbott’ said Kris ‘he doesn’t believe there is such a thing as genuine refugees. I’m thinking of using a submarine which only surfaces when it gets to Christmas Island’
‘The problem is’ said Gus ‘that the bastard Aussies would conviscate it just like any planes we sent over. All we would be doing is restocking their navy and air force for nothing’
‘Let’s buy the Tampa’ said Kris
‘Don’t be stupid’ said Gus ‘that would be a sure way to get Abbott elected’
‘I’ve got it’ said Andi ‘let’s offer to pay the Aussie Government a super profits tax’
‘Don’t be ridiculous’ said Gus ‘not even the mining companies can afford to pay that’
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