This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly took the relatively short flight to Kevin’s office in Canberra where he perched on a wall during a ‘kitchen cabinet’ meeting with Julia, Wayne and Lindsay. Here is his exclusive report.

‘What the f..k is going on?’ asked Kevin ‘you told me this super profits tax is a no-brainer and now there’s shit flying everywhere’

‘Don’t panic’ said Wayne ‘it’s only those greedy mining billionaires causing all the fuss. They’re spending squillions on their disgraceful advertising campaign’

‘It’s an absolute outrage’ said Kevin ‘they’ve become a branch of the Liberal Party. Tell the unions we need an extra ten million to support our campaign’

‘Did you know’ said Julia ‘that some commentators are already comparing our super profits tax campaign to John Howard’s Work Choices campaign’

‘They must be mad’ said Kevin

‘Wait a minute though’ said Lindsay ‘the super profits tax could cause workers to lose their jobs just like Work Choices’

‘You’ve got to be joking’ said Wayne ‘All that bullshit from Xstrata and BHP about canning new mining projects and firing people is an attempt to blackmail us into backing down’

‘Quite right’ said Kevin ‘The super profits tax is my policy masterpiece’

‘I thought it was Ken Henry’s idea’ said Julia ‘converted into a brilliant policy initiative by Wayne’

‘Whom do you think Ken Henry got the idea from?’ ask Kevin

‘Well me actually’ said Lindsay ‘but the way things are going Kevin you’re quite welcome to claim ownership’

‘Thank you’ said Kevin ‘Actually I got the idea from a communist policy manifesto in China’

‘Let’s move on’ said Wayne ‘What the hell can we do? If this tax falls over my budget goes down the tubes’

‘I think Kevin should do an address to the nation’ said Wayne

‘With respect’ said Lindsay ‘the reason we’re in this mess is that half the people don’t believe Kevin and the other half change channels as soon as they see him’

‘What happens’ asked Julia ‘if the mining companies decide to pack up and leave Australia?’

‘My budget will go down the tubes’ said Wayne

‘The situation would be really desperate’ said Lindsay ‘we’d have to consider reintroducing Work Choices’

‘Look’ said Kevin ‘I’ll talk to Twiggy Forrest and his mates and make them understand how a forty percent profits tax will help drive growth and investment in the mining industry’

‘Look’ said Lindsay ‘I know we say that in our advertising campaign but it doesn’t really make any sense’

‘Have you seen our latest poll numbers?’ asked Julia ‘They’re in the tank’

‘Don’t tell me’ said Kevin ‘that I’m behind Tony Abbott as preferred prime minister’

‘No’ said Julia ‘things are not that desperate. Give it another few weeks’

‘There’s no doubt it’s hurting our re-election chances’ said Lindsay’

‘To say nothing of my budget’ said Wayne

‘I’ve got a great idea’ said Kevin ‘let’s scrap the National Broadband Network and open our own iron ore mine instead which is owned by all Australians’

‘What if Aborigines hold the land rights?’ asked Lindsay

‘That would really stuff my budget’ said Wayne

‘Oh f..k your budget’ said Kevin