Offering a uniquely Australian perspective on the US Presidential election

“I hope you didn’t really think I was serious about Malcolm privatising Medicare because I didn’t want to mislead you but the trouble was my scare campaign about him being a wealthy elitist wanker who doesn’t give a toss about working families wasn’t working and Work Choices had passed its use-by date so I was getting desperate. You now have my absolute assurance that Medicare won’t be privatised until I decide whether it’s still a scary enough prospect to use at the next election. However I expect Labor’s major scare campaign at that time will be the threat of a comeback by Tony Abbott”

Going on Leave

Tori Banger, Friday Mash’s seductive UK correspondent, explains in this week’s Pillow Slips column the decisive steps being taken by the UK to ensure they snatch the title of the World’s Leading Economic Basket-case from Venezuela and Greece.