Brilliant Insights

List of Brilliant Insights

• Out of their minds

  A recommendation that people affected by drugs or alcohol should not be allowed to vote in the US presidential election has been rejected. Electoral authorities accept that voters have to be out of their mind to vote for Obama or any of the Republican candidates.

• Making it

  Obama wants four more years to make the US more like Europe. Angela Merkel wants even longer to make Europe more like the US was before Obama.

• Herman Cain has endorsed Newt for president

  Herman Cain has endorsed Newt for president and is reportedly going to launch the Newt Pizza. It can change to any flavour you want.

• Ex wifes and ex mistresses unite

  You’d think that all Newt’s ex-wives and ex-mistresses would keep quiet until after the presidential election. If he cops the top gig they’ll all be in line for starring roles in a new television series ‘All the President’s Women’

• Debt Clock Ticking

  It’s easy for Obama to take the pulse of the economy. All he has to do is listen to the debt clock ticking

• Palin the Red

  Sarah Palin can see Russia from her backyard. This is further confirmation that Palin is close to Putin.

• Which candidate is God supporting for President

  There has been a deal of speculation about which Republican candidate God is supporting for president. The general consensus is that he’s waiting for Tim Tebow to stand.

• New Year Resolutions

  New Year Resolutions made in the Old Year often seem to have a use-by date of 31st December

• Second Coming

  It is now apparent that if this Christmas marks the time of the Second Coming it will not be a Republican presidential candidate.

• US campaigning

  The problem with the current style of US presidential campaigns is that they produce presidents like Obama whose only talent is debating on television.

• Climate Change Conference in Durban

  At the Climate Change Conference in Durban the US reaffirmed its determination to remain world leader in global warming sustainability.

• Sexual Harrassment

  After Herman Cain has been knocked out of the presidential race political commentators are speculating that the women who claim to have been sexually harassed by him will decide on reflection that it was Newt Gingrich instead

• Super Committee

  It is unfair to claim that the Super Committee didn’t achieve anything. For three whole months it allowed Obama to claim he was actually doing something about the debt crisis

• New debt record celebration in US

  The Obama administration is foreshadowing a major event to mark the landmark achievement of a $15 trillion debt. Sources close to Obama claim that this is the first time an administration has gone to such lengths to recognise the work of a previous president

• Disappointment all round

  The G20 were disappointed that Obama didn’t offer dollars to help solve the EU crisis.  This is like being disappointed that the Gaddafi family didn’t offer support to the Libyan rebels.

• Tea Party support

  So far the Tea Party has supported, Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry for president. In the light of this track record republican strategists are urgently trying to get them to switch their support to Obama

• US will not engage BP for any clean up operations in Libya

  Advisers close to the President confirm that BP will not be invited to help clean up the mess in Libya

• carbon dioxide tax

  Experts believe that the most effective way of tackling the EU’s carbon dioxide tax on landings in Europe is through the development of electric planes. The problem is however that they can only get a recharge when they fly through an electrical storm

• (Australian) Estate Agents in Palestine

  New fortified accommodation is now available on the West Bank. Estate Agents in Palestine believe that it’s certainly worth having a shot at.

• Republican Party Candidate for President

  The Republican Party is still seeking outstanding candidates for the position of president. In fact it’s been a frustrating search ever since Ronald Reagan

• Obama and Surplus

  The world is sliding back towards another recession because it couldn’t afford all the stimulus programs Obama introduced to get over the last one

• (Australian) Ass protection

  These days there seems to be more NFL action off the field than on. As a result the game is experiencing more ass protection than pass protection

• Obama could get an Oscar nomination for his Act on American Jobs

  Obama could get an Oscar nomination for his Act on American Jobs

• Obama the Red

  Many political commentators agree that as a socialist Obama can’t be expected to run a successful economy. It is only logical therefore that he should concentrate on creating a economic disaster dire enough to completely stuff the next Republican president

• Madonna

  Obama should perhaps reflect on the fact that the US stimulus package which has created the most positions in recent years is Madonna

• Triple A rating

  Obama’s strategists have just completed the first stage of a brilliant tactic to get him re-elected. The second will be the restoration of the Triple A rating just before the 2012 election.

• Raising the Ceiling

  Economists are worried that the world could soon reach its debt ceiling. They believe the US Congress would be the ideal choice to conduct bailout negotiations with Mars because they are so used to being on another planet

• Debt Ceiling

  Obama is yet to appreciate that the Republicans’ ultimate strategy to curb government spending is to prevent him raising the debt ceiling

• Cap & Trade Scheme

  Economists believe that if the US becomes insolvent it will result in the ultimate cap and trade scheme. The economy will be capped at third world levels, all businesses will be traded overseas and carbon dioxide emissions will be restricted to exhaling.

• Greek Debt Crisis

  The Greek Government have reportedly asked for Bernie Madoff to be granted a special release so he can take up a senior role in their Treasury Department. They believe a Ponzi scheme would be a huge improvement on their current economic model

• Premature withdrawal

  Experts on Afghanistan have warned Obama that premature withdrawal is no guarantee that he won’t make the father of all military miscalculations

• Brilliant Insights of the Week as at Friday 17th June 2011

  It is impossible to overstate China’s contribution to global financial stability. The US will forever be in their debt

• Brilliant Insights for the Week of 3rd June 2011

  If Sarah Palin’s bus is coming to a location near you don’t panic. ‘No Stopping’ signs can be picked up from local offices of the Democratic Party.

• Brilliant Insights for the Week of 27th May 2011

  Donald Trump has fired himself as the celebrity apprentice for the job of president.

• Brilliant Insights for the Week of 20th May 2011

  Obama says it is difficult to imagine the problems during his presidency getting any worse. He’s obviously overlooked the possibility of Charlie Sheen marrying Lindsay Lohan

• Brilliant Insights for the Week of 13th May 2011

  Climate change sceptics are embarking on an exciting new expansion programme. They’re now branching out to become carbon tax sceptics, clean coal sceptics, green job sceptics and apocalyptic sceptics

• Brilliant Insights for the Week of 6th May 2011

  There seems to have been a misunderstanding in the Socceroos’ planning for the World Cup. They’d always planned a big send-off but not during matches.