Special Report from our US Correspondent P.E. Doff

The primaries to elect candidates for the Democratic and Republican parties at the upcoming mid-term congressional elections have concluded. Once again they proved that US politicians hate opponents in their own party more than they hate the opposition.

In the Democratic primaries candidates supported by Obama got junked even if they were as white as the driven snow; while in the Republican primaries candidates supported by the Tea Party prevailed even if they prefer to drink it black.

Obama has been bagging the Tea Party but analysts expect them to stay loose in large packets.

The Democratic candidates have adopted an intriguing campaign strategy for the mid-term election. They’re relying on Obama memory-loss, not to mention healthcare, stimulus packages, mosque development policy and on environmental protection policy in partnership with an oil company memory loss. Amazingly they have absolute recall on all George W’s little foibles and have no problem remembering their own party’s achievements in the days when they were allowed to talk about them.

The Republican strategy is equally mind-blowing. They describe Obama’s achievements in great detail and give him full debit for bringing the country to the brink of bankruptcy and total unemployment. Their rehabilitation plans for George W are well advanced and will come to fruition with the surrender of the Taliban around 2056.

But the element in their campaign which is causing the Democrats most grief is Sarah Palin.

Palin is the darling of the Tea Party and leader of the campaign to eviscerate Obamaism by reducing the size of government, Washington influence, taxes, debt and Obama’s ego.

This has prompted a storm of racist abuse from racists, undemocratic abuse from Democrats, sexist abuse from Hillary and Nancy Pelosi, animal abuse from mooses and general abuse from people scared stiff that the country could be taken over by a shrieking gun-toting hockey mum from Wasilla, Alaska who thinks that the Bush Doctrine is something which shouldn’t be applied to trees.

Nancy Pelosi the Speaker in the House of Representatives is really nicked off. The Democrats are likely to lose their House majority in the election which means she’ll lose her job and it’s all due to the Tea Party, Sarah Palin and Fox News. Neither she nor Obama have put a foot wrong except when they kicked all the asses into line over healthcare.

Analysts think that in the event of the Democrats losing their majority in the House Nancy will turn the Capitol Building into a sanctuary city for illegal Speakers and defy attempts to return her to San Francisco.

The key factor in the mid-term elections will be whether the electorate thinks that George W is still stuffing the country more than Obama. In turn this will depend on whether the Democrats can forget more than the Republicans can remember.

Candidates backed by Sarah Palin and the Tea Party will win even if they’re a witch or a moose. Candidates associated with Obama will lose even if they’re from Chicago and they’ve paid to get in.

P.E. Doff is president of the Jack Daniels Fan Club