2011 has marked tremendous progress in my quest to convert the country into the United Socialist States of America.

We are at an historic crossroads. We can either choose to cut taxes and spending and stimulate business to create millions of new jobs or we can realise the exciting potential of going further into debt by expanding the entitlements for the growing number of unemployed. For a socialist like me it’s an absolute no-brainer.

Many Republicans still cling to the out-dated notion that we should strive to remain the world’s largest economy. This only encourages countries like Afghanistan, Italy and Greece to believe that we should bail them out. My strategy is to put the US in a position where China and India will be forced to bail us out.

I look forward to the day when I’ve raised the debt ceiling so high that people accuse me of having my head in the clouds.

I could have asked for no better Christmas present than the current crop of Republican presidential candidates.

Michele Bachmann is my favourite. I think her best chance is to dress in a kinky black leather leotard and promise everyone who votes for her a good flogging.

Under my leadership the US will take giant strides in 2012 towards becoming a place where illegal immigrants and the unemployed can become community organisers and presidents of the future just like me.

I don’t anticipate too many problems getting re-elected against either Romney or Gingrich. Surely no-one’s going to fall for all that stuff about cutting back, belt-tightening and smaller government when I can promise another $2 trillion of welfare spending before I have to raise the debt ceiling again.

The next time Standard and Poor’s downgrades our credit rating you can take it as a sure sign that my policies are working.

One of the great threats posed by the Republicans getting back into power is that no-one would be able to afford a Merry Christmas any more. So if you like your Christmas the way it is vote for me in 2012.

So have a truly wonderful Christmas and if you don’t have enough dollars to make that happen please feel free to phone me at the White House for a Christmas handout.