Show me the money - Obama

Yap No 43

‘You know’ I said to Big O at our weekly review meeting ‘I’m barking mad at the way other countries treat America’

‘How do you mean?’ asked Big O

‘For years we’ve been the good guys saving the world’ I said ‘bringing hope, fast food and democracy to oppressed peoples. But now we’re the ones who are up the North Pole without a compass and there’s no-one willing to step up and kiss our arse’

‘Perhaps they haven’t got the odd fourteen trillion to spare’ suggested Big O

‘Give me a break’ I said ‘For a country that’s brought them McDonalds, the Global Financial Crisis, the war on terror, Charlie Sheen, the Bush Doctrine and a Middle East policy that’s gone south north and west as well you’d have thought the rest of the world would be queuing outside the White House to help’

‘Yes I see your point’ said Big O

‘Take Mexico for example’ I said ‘for years they’ve been encouraging their people to cross over illegally into our backyard and keep their country afloat by sending their wages back home. Now we’re short of jobs you’d expect them to chip in with some reciprocal help. Not a bit of it. They’re even stopping US citizens from taking up gainful positions with the drug cartels. And you know what will happen if the cartels can’t get the people they need to meet demand from here?’

‘The prices will go up’ said Big O

‘Exactly’ I said ‘and inflation on basic consumer commodities is the last thing we need’

‘That’s outrageous’ said Big O

‘Exactly’ I said ‘and look what we’ve done for Pakistan, France and the Middle East’

‘Well what have we done?’ asked Big O

‘Loads of stuff’ I replied ‘like boycotts, drones and helping out with their oil business’

‘That’s true’ said Big O ‘but if you remember I had to do a world tour to apologise for all that’

‘And another thing’ I said ‘what the hell’s Hillary doing? She needs to get out into all these countries and shake their trees’

‘I haven’t had a conversation with her recently’ said Big O ‘last time I heard of her she was in Tokyo denying that she’s going to run for the presidency in 2012’

‘That’s ominous’ I said ‘if she denies it in the New York Times we’ll know we’ve got a fight on our hands’

‘But you’re absolutely right Bo’ said Big O ‘a bit of reciprocal assistance wouldn’t go amiss’

‘I’ve got it’ I said ‘you should go on a world begging tour. I’ll get you a placard to hold up saying ‘Fourteen Trillion Dollar Debt to support. Please give generously’’

‘Interesting’ said Big O ‘where do you think I should go?’

‘Germany and Switzerland for money’ I said ‘and Saudi Arabia for oil’

‘What about China?’ asked Big O

‘Good idea’ I said ‘You could try to sell them on paying themselves the interest on the money we owe them’