Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Hillary Clinton’s office in Washington DC when she was discussing the Egyptian crisis with her deputy James Steinberg. Here is his exclusive report of their conversation.

‘Now James’ said Hillary ‘what are the aspirations of the Egyptian people for the future of their country?’

‘From what I gather’ said James ‘a model similar to the US but without people carrying guns and shooting each other’

‘They’re not keen on a theocracy are they?’ asked Hillary

‘Hopefully not’ said James ‘it would be a shattering blow if they went through all that demonstrating and rioting for freedom to end up with a despotic loony like Ahmadinejad’

‘A nicer kindlier dictator might not be a bad idea’ said Hillary ‘Mubarak hasn’t been all bad. He hasn’t caused us any trouble and has even been quite civil to the Israelis’

‘You mean a dictator who didn’t do much dictating?’ asked James ‘A sort of cross between Jimmy Carter and the Dalai Lama. It’s worth thinking about’

‘I suppose there’s got to be an election’ said Hillary

‘It’s difficult to run a democracy without them’ said James ‘but the last people you’d trust to make a decision about the future of Egypt are those who have been dumbed down by Mubarak for the past thirty years’

‘Come to think of it’ said Hillary ‘the people most qualified to decide the future of Egypt are ourselves and quite frankly I’m at a loss. Iraq is hardly the discotheque of democracy and the Westminster System is in no danger of being superseded in Kabul. What’s the worst that could happen in Egypt?’

‘The deputy leader of Al Qaeda al-Zawahiri becoming president’ said James ‘He’s an Egyptian so it’s possible’

‘Jeepers’ said Hillary ‘that‘s a huge threat. He’d form an alliance with Iran, Hamas and Hezbollah and recognise Palestine as an independent state. Israel would get very twitchy and we’d have to start terrorist operations in Egypt’

‘Wait a bit though’ said James ‘there’s no oil in Egypt so we don’t want to over-react. Remember that a democratic government is the best outcome we can hope for’

‘True’ said Hillary ‘but now I come to think of it Mubarak’s been a really good ally for thirty years. The only problem is that he’s been such a prick to his people. Maybe Obama was wrong to insist that he goes immediately’

‘Let’s think’ said James ‘Perhaps we could enhance his image with Egyptians to the degree he could stay on until we groom someone to replace him’

‘Good idea’ said Hillary ‘We could relaunch him as the new Ronald Reagan with powerful themes like telling Israel to ‘tear down this wall’ and ‘win one for the Gyppos’

‘Who should we pick to succeed him?’ asked James

‘Someone like Karzai’ said Hillary ‘but better at covering-up when it comes to fixing free and fair elections’