Yap No 44

‘I can’t believe this’ said Big O ‘people are actually accusing me of being addicted to spending’

‘Jeepers’ I said ‘how on earth did they get that idea?’

‘Beats me’ said Big O ‘I’ve always considered myself a frugal spender’

‘I agree’ I said ‘I’ve been waiting months for a new kennel and for my computer to be connected to skype. I’m reduced to barking at people over the phone’

‘Do you think I should give the spending accusation any credence?’ asked Big O

‘Not if it came from Republicans’ I said

‘Actually’ said Big O ‘I think it came from the head of the IMF’

‘That’s different’ I said ‘We may have to take a begging bowl to them before too long. I’m sure you can get treatment for a spending addiction’

‘Where from?’ asked Big O

‘Well’ I replied ‘if you wanted extreme shock treatment you could spend some time with the Tea Party’

‘I don’t think I’m ready for that’ said Big O ‘is there any other treatment which is less extreme?’

‘Oh sure’ I said ‘people who are addicted to playing poker machines have the same sort of problem as you’

‘That’s a bit of a stretch Bo’ said Big O ‘Poker machine players are addicted to spending which they believe can make them money while I’m addicted to spending which brings people things they can’t afford for themselves’

‘It’s much the same thing’ I said ‘You’re actually addicted to spending which will make you look good in the opinion polls, get re-elected and then make money from books and lecture tours’

‘Is the addiction to playing poker machines a major problem?’ asked Big O

‘Huge’ I replied ‘why do you think the casinos in Las Vegas make so much money?’

‘What’s the turnover from poker machines?’ asked Big O

‘Hundreds of billions’ I replied

‘That’s interesting’ said Big O

‘How do you mean?’ I asked

‘What I’m thinking’ said Big O ‘is that if we opened government owned poker machine centres right across the country they could be the answer to our economic problems. With so many people addicted to playing the pokies we could make so much money that my spending addiction wouldn’t matter anymore’

‘Big O’ I said ‘I think you’ve hit the jackpot. There’s loads of places we could locate the centres like hospitals, police stations, schools and right beside where people pick up their social security checks’

‘It’s even better than that’ said Big O ‘we could locate them right along the border with Mexico to catch the illegals as they cross over and we could tap into poker machine addictions worldwide by locating centres at airports so visitors could have a flutter as they’re waiting to go through customs’

‘I’ve got to hand it to you Big O’ I said ‘that’s your killer idea of the year’

‘I’m addicted to coming up with ideas like that’ said Big O