‘When I look at Romney and Gingrich’ said Big O ‘I’m very tempted to wager a dollar or two on me getting re-elected next November’

‘As head of your re-election campaign’ I said ‘I must caution you against complacency. There were times in the last Democratic primaries when Hillary made you look like her nephew’

‘Yes but I really clobbered Uncle Bill’ said Big O ‘But seriously can you imagine anyone voting for Newt rather than me when he carries all that baggage?’

‘You bet’ I said ‘There are people who admire a guy for earning $1.6 million to help Freddie Mac initiate a GFC. Newt’s problem however is if Freddie Mac paid him the same amount to help initiate a global recovery it would still be a dead loss’

‘What about his ethics violations?’ asked Big O

‘We’re all guilty of those’ I replied ‘What about when I pissed over John Boehner’s shoes last week and you encouraged me’

‘But Newt’s treated women so badly’ said Big O

‘You’ve got to admire a guy as ugly as Newt’ I said ‘who scores so well with dames’

‘Surely they can’t be Democrats’ said Big O ‘If Newt becomes the Republican nominee you have to get Mitt on my re-election team. Even you couldn’t do as good a job of Newtering him as Mitt does’

‘Listen Big O’ I said ‘if Mitt becomes the nominee you’ll have a real scrap on your hands’

‘Why?’ asked Big O ‘his healthcare plan was even worse than mine’

‘Because’ I replied ‘he understands the economy and we can’t find anyone he’s sexually harassed’

‘The economy is one of my strengths’ said Big O ‘Every time the country runs out of money I’m an expert at raising the debt ceiling’

‘Yes I know’ I replied ‘but you’ve raised it so many times it’s now way above your head’

‘But Mitt’s a capitalist’ said Big O ‘They’ve had their day. What the country needs is a big government, high taxing, big spending president like me’

‘That didn’t work in Italy’ I said ‘They’re moving to a smaller government, lower taxing, lower spending, guy like Mitt who’s an expert at lowering debt ceilings’

‘What makes you so sure Mitt will be the nominee?’ asked Big O

‘Sarah Palin’s just endorsed Newt’ I replied