‘Hey Bo’ said Big O ‘have you seen the White House Christmas tree yet? It’s particularly impressive this year’

‘Seen it!’ I responded ‘I’ve already cocked my leg against it twice’

‘Really Bo’ said Big O ‘that’s no way to treat the centrepiece of our festive celebrations’

‘Oh that’s what it is’ I said ‘Sorry, I thought it was your thoughtful way of providing me with some extra convenience for Christmas. And while we’re talking Christmas I’m expecting a much better deal from the White House Christmas Party than I got last year’

‘How do you mean?’ asked Big O

‘Well now things are so tight’ I said ‘people tend to stuff down as much food as they can at parties. So the only leftovers I scored last year were a walnut salad and a couple of rolls. Not a sniff of any ham or turkey’

‘What can I fix for you this year?’ asked Big O

‘A special White House Canine Christmas Party’ I replied ‘where I get all the slices of ham and turkey I can eat and a huge slice of that bitch who lives over the road’

‘I must say’ said Big O ‘that Super Committee idea of yours didn’t turn out all that well’

‘On the contrary’ I said ‘it was a huge success just as I’d planned. For three months it took the onus off you to do anything about the debt crisis and gave you a whole new bunch of people you could blame for it’

‘Interesting’ said Big O ‘I hadn’t thought of it that way before. So what’s the next move?’

‘You should move to a Superstar Committee in 2012’ I replied ‘who should take at least six months to announce they’re incapable of making a decision and so trigger huge automatic cuts which will save the country from going down the tubes’

‘Absolutely brilliant’ said Big O

‘Now here’s an interesting thought for you’ I said ‘your popularity always goes up when you’re away at talkfests like the G20, APEC, ASEAN and the EU Summit’

‘Why do you think that is?’ asked Big O

‘It’s because the public like to see you as a world leader’ I replied ‘They reason that while you’re away lecturing other people about fixing their economies you’re not around here stuffing up ours’

‘Fascinating’ said Big O

‘So what I’m proposing’ I said ‘is a permanent world summit meeting which you can always go and attend when you’re not so popular around here’

‘What a great idea’ said Big O

‘My concept is to call it BALLS’ I said ‘Bullshit Artists Loquacious Laxative Summit. It would be your safety valve. Whenever you’re in the political doghouse your fairy godmother can turn up and take you to the BALLS’

‘You know Bo’ said Big O ‘I think there would be a big market for videos of my speeches at these summits’

‘I doubt it’ I said ‘very few people are interested in a load of old balls’