This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly was on a wall in Julia’s office when she spoke on the phone to the UK Prime Minister David Cameron. Julia had the loudspeaker switched on so luckily Guy was able to record to record the entire conversation. Here is his exclusive report.

‘Hello Julia’ said David ‘thanks for taking my call. I needed to brief you on a couple of things’

‘Hello David’ said Julia ‘how’s your minority government working out?’

‘Ok I suppose’ said David ‘but it’s a bit like being in coalition with a group of mental patients in search of a psychiatrist. How are you getting on with the Greens?’

‘’We get on fine’ said Julia ‘I totally ignore them but implement all of their policies. How’s your economy doing?’

‘We’re getting things under control’ said David ‘but of course we’re having to make some severe cutbacks. Unfortunately Mick Jagger managed his marriages better than Gordon Brown managed the economy. It’s so bad we may have to introduce rationing in 2011.

‘Well David’ said Julia ‘as you know my government is responsible for an economy which is the envy of the world’

‘That’s funny’ said David ‘Tony told me last week it was all thanks to John Howard. Look here’s what I wanted to chat about. As you know the Ashes Series is about to start over there and around ten thousand English cricket fans are planning to make the trip’

‘Oh great’ said Julia ‘we can do with a few extra tourists’

‘Unfortunately’ said David ‘its not as simple as that. The economic outlook here is so bad they’re all planning to stay there and seek asylum ’

‘What’ exclaimed Julia ‘you can’t be serious. We can’t cope. I’m opening new detention centres every week and there’s year’s backlog in asylum seeker processing’

‘Sorry’ said David ‘but I don’t see how I can help you. I can’t turn the Labor Party’s mess around in a month or two. Perhaps you could house them all at the MCG. At least there would be some spectators at Sheffield Shield matches’

‘I know’ said Julia ‘perhaps we could switch the Ashes series to Pakistan. All their test grounds are available’

‘If you did that’ said David ‘they’d all come to Australia anyway. I hear they’ve discussed chartering the Queen Mary. By the way I bumped into Tony at our party conference. Amazing fellow, he was straight off the plane and didn’t seem to have any jetlag at all’

‘I’ve got it’ said Julia ‘I’ll detain them in the Sydney Opera House and insist they all buy season tickets. That will give the arts a much needed boost and also mean that at last there’s enough fans in the place. And Kristina will be pleased because it will finally give her something worthwhile to have a real song and dance about’

‘Who do you think will win the Ashes?’ asked David

‘Barry O’Farrell’ said Julia ‘because I’m about to burn Kristina’