Yap No 28

‘You must be a bit worried about the size of the US national debt’ I remarked to Big O at our economic review meeting last week

‘Not really Bo’ said Big O ‘it has to be viewed in the context of the new world economic paradigm. Today the main source of world power is debt. The more you owe the more powerful you are’

‘Oh I see’ I said ‘the bigger the debt the more your creditors are motivated to stop you going bust’

‘Exactly’ said Big O ‘Republicans are still stuck with the twentieth century surplus mentality’

‘But eventually’ I said ‘you either pay off the debt or run out of money and go broke’

‘Brilliant analysis Bo’ said Big O ‘I couldn’t have put it better myself. And the US is still looking good because there will always be countries falling over themselves to lend us money’

‘Who for example?’ I asked

‘Well China for a start’ said Big O

‘Wait a minute’ I said ‘they’ll only lend us money as long as we spend it on their exports but now we’re trying to get them to revalue their currency which will make their exports too expensive’

‘No problem’ said Big O ‘India will come to the party’

‘Don’t bank on it’ I said ‘There are two ways you have to protect your ass in India. Never borrow money and never eat a vindaloo curry’

‘There’s always the European Union’ said Big O

‘Sorry to disappoint you’ I said ‘but if the Treasury has a lucky week in Las Vegas they could buy Greece, Ireland and Portugal’

‘The UK will never let us down’ said Big O

‘They’re in such desperate financial straits’ I said ‘that they’ve offered to lease the Royal Family to us for five billion a year and for an extra billion they’d let us stage the Royal Wedding in Washington’

‘I know’ said Big O ‘Japan. They’re the third biggest economy in the world so they’re bound to have some spare cash’

‘Japan is even further down the fiscal toilet than we are’ I said ‘Just one more flush and they’ll be on the Sushi Train to the sewage farm. If things get really desperate Brazil might lend us some coffee and I could ask the gnomes of Zurich if Mubarak’s billions are going spare’

‘I’ve just had a very interesting thought’ said Big O ‘What about the drug cartels? They’re absolutely loaded’

‘Interesting thought indeed’ I said ‘but probably not. I don’t think their debt collection department would understand US government policy on extended repayment terms’

‘I must say Bo’ said Big O ‘I hadn’t understood that money supply was getting this tight. Have you got any suggestions about where we could borrow more funds?’

‘Well’ I said ‘the World Bank might be a good bet. They normally only support Third World countries but we should qualify by next year’