Yap No. 14

‘Bo you’ll be sorry to hear that Rahm Emanuel is leaving’ said Big O

Actually it was the best news I’d heard since the Yankees got belted by the Baltimore Orioles.

‘I’ll miss him’ continued Big O ‘More than anyone else he has done great work in breaking down the old Washington establishment’

‘Oh sure’ I said ‘but he’s been trying to replace it with the Chicago establishment which is even worse’

‘There’s quite a few of my staff leaving in the near future’ said Big O ‘I hope you’re not thinking of deserting me too Bo’

‘Fat chance’ I said ‘you’re my owner. If I left you’d let loose the police and the dog-catchers. I’m the last victim of slave labor in the US. If I were allowed to market myself freely I’d make a fortune as a TV star or the Secretary-General of the UN’

‘They’d most likely put you in a zoo or a circus’ said Big O ‘or some other dog and pony show. But here you live in the world’s top kennel’

‘Yes but I’m still only a dogsbody’ I said ‘and the way things are going we’ll all get thrown out of here soon’

‘I know’ said Big O ‘the polls are still not looking great for the mid-term elections. It seems like we’re going to lose our majority in the House’

‘Oh good’ I almost said but controlled myself just in time. I knew it was disloyal to think that way but the prospect of Nancy Pelosi losing the Speaker’s gig filled me with the sense of anticipation I normally reserve for a fillet steak dinner. She reminds me of a feral cat who prowls around sinking her claws into people.

‘So your strategy of slagging off George W’ I said ‘doesn’t seem to be working’

‘That’s right’ said Big O ‘I can’t understand it. People are even starting to rate him more highly than me’

‘That’s incredible’ I agreed ‘but what people don’t understand is that it takes years for a president to have any impact on stuff like the economy and jobs’

‘That’s interesting’ said Big O ‘so it means that the current deficit and unemployment really are George W’s fault and they won’t be my fault until next year or the year after’

‘Precisely’ I said ‘Your policies may not take effect until after the 2012 presidential election. In fact if the economy hasn’t turned round by then I recommend that you pin the blame on George W right up to 2013’

‘That’s incredibly perceptive Bo’ said Big O ‘but I just don’t seen able to convince the folks that it’s all his fault. What should I do differently?’

‘I’ve given that a lot of thought Big O’ I said ‘and come up with a cunning canine concept. People don’t believe what you’re saying about George W because you’ve lost all credibility. So you change tactics. You start praising him as a visionary, an inspiration and an economic genius. The folks will naturally conclude that you’re talking a load of absolute crap and suss that George W is as braindead as they always thought he was’

‘Absolutely brilliant Bo’ said Big O ‘whatever would I do without you. I’ll start the new campaign immediately. It may even save our bacon in the mid-term elections’

‘Hopefully not enough to save Nancy Pelosi’ I thought to myself