Three of the world’s greatest ever politicians have graduated to become global guardians of world best political practice. Whenever or wherever politicians prove to be prunes, pinheads or pikers, Bush, Blair and Howard are on watch, ready to restore them with ruthless resolve back to political correctness.

Case No. 1 – Silvio Berlusconi

The Polliewatch global standards committee recently met in confidential conclave to discuss suitable politicians for treatment. There was a long list to get through. After a lengthy evaluation process they decreed that Silvio Berlusconi was the most urgent case . It would have been Papandreou but by that stage he was already terminal..

Bush, Blair and Howard left for Rome the following day.

‘Welcome gentlemen’ said Silvio ‘this is an honour indeed. What a pity you’ve arrived just after the bunga bunga party season has finished’

‘Look Silvio’ said Bush seriously ‘we’re here because you’ve seriously stuffing up. Our brief is to ensure you either get your arse into gear and fix the Italian economy or retire to a bunga bunga rest home’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ asked Silvio not unreasonably

‘We’re the three principals of Polliewatch’ explained Blair ‘a worldwide watchdog dedicated to world best political practice. Based on your current performance Standard and Poor’s gives you a credit rating of ZZ+ and we give you a performance rating of ZZZ- just above Ahmadinejad’

‘Well you can all go and get screwed’ said Silvio ‘and what’s more I’m not paying for it’

‘It would be a denial of our sacred oath of duty to the peoples of the world’ said Howard ‘if we just stood idly by and watched you stuff your country, the EU, the euro, the stock markets and every good sort you can lay your hands on’

‘This is an outrage’ shouted Silvio ‘you guys can’t touch me. I’m the democratically elected prime minister of Italy’

‘Here are your options’ said Bush ‘follow to the letter the procedural principles set out in our World Best Practice Operations Manual or resign’

‘You guys are a joke’ opined Silvio

‘Ok Silvio’ said Bush ‘here’s the bottom line, if you don’t accede to our reasonable demands we shall do a world media release revealing that you’re impotent’

‘You can’t do that’ protested Silvio ‘think of my reputation, think of the pleasure I bring to thousands of women every night’

‘Sorry Silvio but that’s the deal’ said Blair ‘and what’s more we’ll add that the greatest pleasure you bring to women is putting your trousers on’

‘Oh no I’ll be ruined’ said Silvio ‘I’m just not capable of world best political practice so I’ll have to resign’

‘Fine’ said Howard ‘let’s make it next month at the latest’

The turbo trio returned to the Polliewatch World HQ well content with the success of their first case. They all felt that Silvio was basically a good guy who just skirted around too many priorities and prioritised too many skirts.