Three of the world’s greatest ever politicians have graduated to become global guardians of world best political practice. Whenever or wherever politicians prove to be prunes, pinheads or pikers, Bush, Blair and Howard are on watch, ready to restore them with ruthless resolve back to political correctness.

Case No. 5 – Nicholas Sarkozy

The Polliewatch Global Standards committee met recently to reaffirm their dedication to bring world best political practice to as many peoples around the world as possible. Further they selected Nicholas Sarkozy as the politician most sorely in need of treatment to help raise his game to this level.

The committee gave serious consideration to Kim Jong-Un, the new Supreme Leader of North Korea, but decided he could wait until after he had come to grips with world worst political practice.

The EU remained the centre of Polliewatch’s gravest concerns. Their crack enforcement team, Bush Blair Howard, had already confronted David Cameron but now the committee felt that Nicholas Sarkozy was overdue for a dose of shock treatment.

The very next day Bush Blair Howard arrived in Paris on the next stage of their mission verging on the impossible to enforce world best political practice in the EU.

‘Bonjour mes amis’ said Sarkozy as the intrepid trio were ushered into his presidential suite ‘I trust you bring good news’

‘First the bad news’ said Bush ‘The Polliewatch international analysis group rates you as the politician currently doing most to stuff the world. The good news is we’re here to help’

‘We’re the principals of Polliewatch’ explained Blair ‘the global world best political practice enforcement agency. Frankly our expert view is that you urgently need to raise you game’

‘How could you get it so wrong?’ asked Sarkozy ‘I’m doing an outstanding job. If it wasn’t for me the world would be in a terminal financial crisis and the EU would fall on its arse. And of course I’m the only one who can save France from a cathartic calamity’

‘That’s the problem’ said Howard ‘you’re trying to initiate a calamity-led recovery. Everyone’s getting fed up with you leading them from one calamity to the next’

‘My countrymen must understand that France is doomed if they elect that socialist wimp Hollande instead of me’ said Sarkozy

‘But you’re also telling Merkel the EU is doomed if she doesn’t cough up more cash’ said Bush ‘and you’re telling Cameron the same thing will happen if he doesn’t accept a new tax which will wreck the City of London financial institutions’

‘You can’t trust the British’ said Sarkozy ‘Cameron had a chance to save the EU by sacrificing a bit of financial services business but he took a decision in his own narrow self-interest. Typical British bullshit. Who on earth’s going to miss that piddling little payout except his public school mates and a few City of London pub piss-up providers’

‘Here’s what needs to happen immediately’ said Blair ‘you must stop talking about calamities and talk more about the path to fiscal rectitude and surpluses’

‘Are you mad?’ asked Sarkozy ‘I’ll get killed in the election if I don’t threaten the electorate with a calamity or two’

‘If you don’t take action today’ said Howard ‘we’ll ensure the next Wikileaks material will reveal that you had penis enlargement treatment and it didn’t work’

‘You can’t do that’ yelled Sarkozy ‘it isn’t true’

‘We know’ said Bush ‘but we can’t enforce world best political practice by playing mister nice guys’

‘Ok you win’ said Sarkozy ‘You have my word that henceforth I’ll only dwell on the positive aspects of the calamities I’ve created’