Guy the Friday Mash Superfly winged his way this week to a wall in Delhi where he listened in on a review meeting of the Commonwealth Games Organising Committee. His exclusive report is just in.

‘Things seem to be going pretty well’ said Raj ‘we haven’t had a roof fall in since last week and the scoreboard that collapsed didn’t have a bad result’

‘I’m worried about attendance levels’ said Guarav ‘the crowds at the gymnastics look like a meeting of the Indian branch of the Andrew Symonds supporters club’

‘Perhaps if we offered spectators free Delhi Belly lunches’ suggested Ravi ‘that might help us get more runs on the board. I see they’re starting the diving competitions tomorrow’

‘That reminds me’ said Raj ‘I must check to see if they’ve lined the diving board up with the pool yet. By the way who was the idiot who tried to extend the twenty kilometre walk so it would go past his mother’s place?’

‘We’re still getting complaints about the standards of hygiene in the athletes village’ said Guarav

‘I know’ said Raj ‘what the hell do these people expect, a maharaja’s palace with punkah wallahs? And all they do is clog up the toilets with condoms’

‘Well no-one should expect hygienic accomodation’ said Ravi, ‘for a dirty week in Delhi. How are the security arrangements holding up?’

‘Pretty well really’ said Raj ‘our people did brilliantly to block those entries for the shooting competitions from the Taliban’

‘Why on earth are so many swimmers getting Delhi Belly?’ asked Guarav

‘I think its because these days there’s so many old farts still competing in the pool’ said Raj ‘By the way it’s good to see the weight lifting centre is standing up ok. I was worried after that guy in the warm-up event lifted record weight and disappeared into the underground carpark’

‘And there haven’t been any problems with the main stadium either’ said Ravi ‘although if they don’t get the closing ceremony ready in time don’t forget we’ve got that contingency plan to go out with a bang by collapsing it’

‘I think we’ve got an exciting future before us in Delhi’ said Raj ‘we could host the Asia Games or even the Olympic Games’

‘Our future probably lies in hosting ultimate fighting tournaments’ said Guarav ‘It doesn’t appear to matter how dirty they are’

‘What about the Delhi Belly Games?’ asked Ravi ‘We could include every sport that can be played sitting down’

‘I’ve got an idea’ said Raj ‘the World Bonking Games. We could attract sexual athletes from all over the world’

‘Nice idea’ said Ravi ‘but we’d be asking for trouble. All Delhi’s toilets would get clogged up with condoms’