Yap No 32

‘Look Bo’ said Big O ‘I don’t mind telling you that the fourteen trillion dollar debt is a bit of a worry’

‘I understand your concern Big O’ I said ‘If it carries on like this we could hit a quadrillion by the presidential election’

‘What do you think I should do?’ asked Big O ‘How about soaking the rich?’

‘Well that’s a possibility’ I said ‘but all your rich mates would get very pissed off with you and they wouldn’t be able to afford the billion you need to get re-elected’

‘Oh Jeez’ said Big O ‘I’d forgotten about that. How about if I levy a new tax on dog owners?’

‘That’s dogicide’ I said ‘We’d all be sold to Chinese restaurants’

‘Tell me Bo’ said Big O ‘what happened to all that stimulus money I spent? It seems to have gone down faster than a call girl at a bunga bunga party’

‘It was a brilliant, initiative’ I said ‘It stimulated all those who were totally stuffed to get off their arses and become absolutely knackered. Listen I’ve got a show-stopper of an idea to save money on healthcare’

‘Oh Bo’ said Big O ‘you’re a lifesaver, that’s exactly what I need’

‘It’s simple’ I said ‘the GOP is totally opposed to your healthcare reforms so it’s only logical that Republicans should be banned from receiving any of the benefits. That would save trillions’

‘Truly brilliant’ said Big O ‘and my poll numbers would go up into the bargain because Republicans would die off faster than Democrats. But tell me why do you think the national debt keeps on climbing?’

‘I’ve thought about that a lot’ I said ‘and I believe it’s because your government is spending more money than it’s collecting’

‘Of course!’ exclaimed Big O ‘why didn’t I think of that. There’s no doubt about you Bo, you’re an absolute genius. Wait a bit though. Does it really matter if we rack up more debt?’

‘Look at it this way’ I said ‘if we go deeper into debt we’ll have to borrow more money from China. But the money we borrow from them is what they’ve ripped off from us because they refuse to revalue their currency. So in effect we’re borrowing back from them the money they’ve swindled from us’

‘That’s terrible’ said Big O ‘what on earth can I do?’

‘You’ve got to take some really tough measures’ I said ‘First, you have to impose an entry tax on illegal immigrants. They’re costing the country a fortune so we should charge at least ten thousand dollars. Next you should set up a government operation to franchise democracy to Middle Eastern countries. Iraq, Afghanistan and Egypt owe us trillions and we should charge Libya a motza when we get rid of Gaddafi. Then there’s the promise of huge returns from Bahrain, Yemen, Syria and even Palestine though in their case the Israelis could beat us to the punch’

‘I was thinking’ said Big O ‘of imposing a carbon tax’

‘I’d be very careful about that’ I said ‘let’s see whether it shuts down Australia first’

‘Well I’ve got to do something drastic’ said Big O ‘If things go on like this I’ll become known as Big Owe’