Yap No: 20

‘Hi Bo’ said Big O ‘I trust you stayed out of trouble while I was away’

Big O had just returned from his ‘I love Muslims’ and ‘I’m trying to love the Chinese’ tour of Asia.

‘I had a very restful yet productive time in your absence’ I said ‘I went for long walks, didn’t talk to a soul, wrote a thesis called “The Evolution of Dog” and read Decision Points’

‘What did you think of George W’s memoirs?’ asked Big O

‘Well Big O’ I said ‘it confirmed my view that he’s the one Bush I would love to cock my leg against’

‘The critics seem to like it’ said Big O

‘The reason for that’ I said ‘is that most of it was ghost written by my pal Barney. Of course he’ll never get any credit. Which is a shame because if the public knew it was written by a dog it would become a world best seller’

‘I’ve never doubted’ said Big O‘ that it was written by a dog. Now look Bo I need your advice. How on earth am I ever going to get anything worthwhile done now that the Republicans control the House?’

‘You’ve got no hope’ I said ‘that’s why you’re in such a strong position’

‘How do you mean?’ asked Big O

‘Here’s the plan’ I said ‘first you propose some progressive reforms of undeniable benefit to the future of mankind which the House Republicans will toss out’

‘You mean like banning the Tea Party’ said Big O ‘and legalising pot for illegal immigrants’

‘Precisely’ I said ‘and you could also include inhuman rights for dogs. Then you agree to pass something proposed by the Republicans like racial profiling in Arizona and subsequently you implement it so badly it turns out to be an unmitigated disaster’

‘I see where you’re going’ said Big O

‘Then’ I said ‘you make an absolute song and dance about how the Republicans are denying Americans the reforms they so desperately need while their own policies are worse for the country than Fox News. You’ll become so popular they’ll stop the 2012 presidential contest to avoid the Republican candidate taking unnecessary punishment’

‘That’s pure genius Bo’ said Big O

‘There’s more’ I said ‘What you must do is persuade Americans that the Republican Party is a bigger threat to the country than China’

‘You mean’ said Big O ‘claim that Chinese tea is healthier for you than the Tea Party brew’

‘That’s it’ I said ‘we’ve got to convince them that the havoc Sarah Palin would bring to this country in a year would take the Chinese over five hundred years’

‘Very clever Bo’ said Big O ‘the Chinese will love to hear that sort of stuff. Who should I talk to over there?’

‘You know Hu’ I said