‘How on earth’ asked Big O ‘did you find out about those millions that Romney’s got stashed away in the Cayman Islands?’

‘Because he keeps them in the same doggie bank there as I do’ I replied

‘What’s a doggie bank?’ asked Big O

‘It operates much the same as a doggie bag’ I replied ‘You take away the cash in a plastic bag and put it away for a rainy day. The problem is they can’t conceal it from dogs like me who come sniffing around’

‘I’ve started to think very seriously’ said Big O ‘about some new policies for 2012’

‘Hold on’ I said ‘I thought we agreed that it’s too risky to introduce any new policies during an election year in case they’re as big a disaster as the Super Committee’

‘You have to understand’ said Big O ‘that I take my responsibilities as president very seriously. Given the problems with Iran and unemployment it would be a dereliction of duty for me not to consider alternative oil supplies and opportunities for new job creation’

‘Well that’s great’ I said ‘because I have to admit that the Keystone Pipeline project is an absolute no-brainer. It’s an abundant new source of oil from just over the border in Canada and it could create up to thirty thousand new jobs here in the US’

‘I have to be a bit careful’ said Big O ‘My left wing loony base hates the idea because they believe it will wreck the environment and increase our carbon emissions’

‘If you can this project’ I said ‘the Republican Party will do you like a dinner. By the way I hope you’ve fixed that new menu for me’

‘Yes yes’ said Big O ‘but I may have problems getting the foie gras flown in fresh from Paris. The Republicans are putting pressure on me to approve the project by 21st February. If I start approving things that quickly it will only start people asking annoying questions about why I haven’t acted faster to lower unemployment and cut spending’

‘Look’ I said ‘if your loony left layabouts are so concerned about the routing of the pipeline why don’t you change it?’

‘That’s not a bad idea’ responded Big O ‘we could re-route through places which are already such environmental disasters that no-one would notice even if they suffered a major oil spill’

‘Precisely’ I said ‘places like Cleveland, Oakland and Jersey City’

‘I’m still not sure’ said Big O ‘Much as I’d like to open alternative oil supplies and lower unemployment someone whose judgement I deeply respect has advised me against taking any major policy decisions before the next election’

‘Who on earth is this dog-eared dufus’ I asked

‘You’ replied Big O