This week Guy the Friday Mash Superfly went back to the future to overhear a discussion between Noah and his missus. They had just been asked by Himself to prepare another Ark project in case the whole of Australia becomes inundated by floods. Here is Guy’s exclusive report of their conversation.

‘I hadn’t heard from Himself for a while now’ said Noah ‘and suddenly he asks me to prepare the world’s biggest Ark to save for posterity everything that is quintessentially Aussie’

Source Bureau of Meteorology

‘We’d have to take the Ashes’ said Mrs Noah

‘You can forget that’ said Noah ‘the Aussies don’t hold them at the moment’

‘Then we shall have to take a sod from the MCG’ said Mrs Noah

‘Good idea’ said Noah ‘but I think Warnie’s off chasing Liz Hurley’

‘Do we have to take any politicians?’ asked Mrs Noah

‘I’m afraid so’ said Noah ‘but I’m not taking two of each type. One is more than enough’

‘What on earth will posterity make of Kevin?’ asked Mrs Noah

‘They’ll see him as a dinosaur who roamed the earth’ said Noah ‘claiming he could cool things down’

‘He sounds more like the abominable snowman’ said Mrs Noah ‘What about the Ark catering services?’

‘I was thinking about a McDonalds and a bush pub’ said Noah

‘Forget McDonalds’ said Mrs Noah ‘they’re American. We should open a branch of Harry’s Café de Wheels serving meat pies, mash, floaters and sauce’

‘We must take a prime example of Australian womanhood’ said Noah ‘I’d vote for Kylie Minogue because it would be difficult to leave her behind’

‘She lives in London’ said Mrs Noah ‘It would be much better idea to take along someone who would be useful like Jessica Watson’

‘As a prime example of Australian manhood I’d be in favour of taking Paul Hogan’ said Noah ‘I know he lives in the US but he’s great at BBQing shrimps and he’s a typical Aussie taxpayer’

‘What about animals?’ asked Mrs Noah

‘Let’s take a couple of flies and a can of Mortein’ said Noah (I hope I’m not one of them – Guy). Tell you what, we’ll also need a couple of dunnies’

‘That’s another reason why flies are so appropriate’ said Mrs Noah

‘One other thing’ said Noah ‘we must take a lump of coal. According to Bob Brown that’s what caused the floods’

‘Great idea’ said Mrs Noah ‘it will come in handy for water supplies when La Nina packs it in’

‘Here’s a thought dear’ said Noah ‘we should pick up an asylum seeker from Christmas Island because that will give us the legitimacy of being genuine people smugglers’

‘Good thinking’ said Mrs Noah ‘perhaps the East Timor centre will be open by the time we have to escape the great floods’

‘Don’t think so’ said Noah ‘the next big La Nina isn’t forecast for at least thirty years’