11th March 2011

I’ve met Tony Abbott on the odd occasion and I must say he didn’t seem to be all that bad sort of a chap. Not the sort who would fit in easily at our pub lunches but perhaps the sort who in different circumstances would have made a very effective union leader.

But I wish he’d stop calling Jools a fraud and a liar. It’s not her fault that all this carbon tax, gay marriage and euthanasia nonsense has blown up. It’s all down to that creep Bob Brown who seems to have her by the short ones at the moment.

I find it amazing that someone so apparently affected by an itchy scalp could have such a hold over Jools. I’d heard there were a lot of flakes amongst the Green but this is ridiculous.

Jools seems to be getting much closer to him these days and I’m frightened she might catch it. I might send him a sample of my special itchy scalp treatment but I’m inclined to wait a while in the hope that someone scratches him first.

Look I know Jools called Tony a ‘hollow man’ but that’s not really serious for heaven’s sake. It just means he’s brainless, heartless, spineless and shitless.

I have to admit that ‘race baiter’ was a bit more controversial and I took that to refer to Tony’s comments about Bob Brown. But being Tasmanian and green surely doesn’t mean that you’re a different race, just a different breed.

I have to feel sorry for the vast majority of Labor MPs around Canberra. They don’t have anything like the access to Jools that I do.

Their daily lives are at the mercy of whips, faction leaders and division bells and they haven’t got a clue about whether they’re supposed to be in favour of gay marriage or absolutely ecstatic that the poll results weren’t an even bigger disaster .

I suggested to Jools that I could help keep up their morale by organising some pub lunches. She wasn’t terribly keen on the idea and perhaps that’s just as well. If you asked them to name a decent red most of them would say Hu Jintao.

The carbon tax really worries me. I’m afraid it will cause far more cyclones than it prevents.

The Malaysian prime minister came over for a chat with Jools last week. I sensed it was a very pleasant visit except when it came to the East Timor asylum seeker centre. I’d say there’s as much chance of him supporting that idea as Peter Garrett complaining about the cost of a haircut.

Great excitement. Jools and I are off on our first ever state visit to Washington. Looking forward to chatting with the Obamas and especially having a First Lady-First Bloke get-together with Michelle. I’ve been in touch with Kim Beazley to ask him to arrange a pub lunch. Will report next week.