Nothing Is Better Than Something

Yap No 40

‘Congratulations Big O’ I said at our weekly policy review meeting ‘on pulling off that debt ceiling agreement.

‘Well thanks Bo’ said Big O ‘but I didn’t do much really. I simply followed your strategy of doing nothing and letting everyone else do the last minute panicking’

‘Well that was the obvious tactic’ I said ‘Finance isn’t your strong suit and you don’t want to be out there advertising the fact to everybody. And I knew that even lemmings like Boehner and Reid would fix something at the last minute and not follow the economy over a cliff’

‘You know Bo’ said Big O ‘sometimes I feel so impotent’

‘But you’re the president’ I said ‘so you always have the option of making a decision or taking Viagra. Besides the folks realise that the debt ceiling agreement wasn’t your fault’

‘You don’t think I’ve created a power vacuum do you’ asked Big O ‘and opened the way for the Tea Party to take over the country?’

‘Of course not’ I said ‘they couldn’t organise an orgy in a sex clinic’

‘I feel very hemmed in by all this financial stuff’ said Big O ‘I need to find myself more space’

‘Well’ I said ‘these days you won’t be getting any competition from NASA’

‘Tell you what’ said Big O ‘we’re not out of the financial tank yet. I’ve got plans to spend another two trillion next year and there’s bound to be more fuss about breaking through the debt ceiling again’

‘Let’s get a few things straight’ I said ‘if you’re going to get re-elected in 2012 it’s absolutely critical that for the next sixteen months you do nothing’

‘Oh come on Bo’ said Big O ‘you can’t be serious. I’m planning to extend my healthcare plan and give a free car to every illegal immigrant’

‘Forget it’ I said ‘just sit back and ensure you don’t attract criticism for doing something’

‘But’ said Big O ‘won’t I get criticised for doing nothing?’

‘Of course’ I said ‘but we can claim you’re in a planning phase to transform the US into an economic powerhouse after you’re elected’

‘Sounds interesting’ said Big O ‘but what about the economic outlook over the next sixteen months? Surely I’ll need to do something’

‘No way’ I said ‘all you have to do is wait for Greece, Portugal, Ireland, Italy and Spain to go down the gurgler and by comparison the US economy will look great’

‘That’s very encouraging’ said Big O ‘and things are not really so bad. We’re still the largest economy in the world with a Triple A rating’

‘Hold on Big O’ I said ‘there’s something I have to tell you…’