As Robert Gates the US Defence Secretary was working away in his office on the latest version of Osama bin Laden’s demise a flash of light streaked across the skies above and came to rest beside him.

Was it Obama’s Royal Wedding invitation which had got lost in the mail or the US deficit bursting through its ceiling? No it was Palinpower.

‘Hi Robert’ said Palinpower ‘just dropped in to offer some help’

‘Well hi Palinpower’ said Robert ‘what did you have in mind?’

‘You know that operation you cooked up to take out Usama’ said Palinpower ‘well I could have done it quicker, cheaper and with less carbon emissions than the navy seals’

‘You’ve got to be kidding’ said Robert

‘No really’ said Palinpower ‘just one rug of moose juice and before you can say ‘Obama reminds me of the Dalai Lama’ I can fly anywhere in the world within two minutes, give or take. In my bullet-proof Big P suit and armed with my caribou hunting rifle I’m capable of taking out anyone, anytime, any place’

‘But people would recognise you’ said Robert ‘You’d become one of the most notorious assassins in history’

‘I could travel incognito’ said Palinpower ‘disguised as a famous nonentity like Jimmy Carter or Harry Reid’

‘Let me get this straight’ said Robert ‘you’re suggesting you become the government’s official serial killer?’

‘Well sort of’ said Palinpower ‘but I’d put it more heroically and patriotically than that. Just think of me as the American version of James Bond, licensed to treat our enemies just like caribou’

‘Why on earth would you want to do this? Asked Robert

‘Well’ said Palinpower ‘it would give me valuable experience for conducting my presidential campaign’

‘How do you see this working?’ asked Robert

‘Simple’ said Palinpower ‘you send me a coded message like ‘your mission if you choose to accept it is hitting Osama bin Laden in Abbottabad and doing Gaddafi on the way back as encore’’

‘You have to understand’ said Robert ‘that we don’t undertake these missions on a weekly basis’

‘Well perhaps you should’ said Palinpower ‘besides Gaddafi there’s Ahmadinejad, Chavez, that nutter in Bolivia, the Mexican drug barons and if I concentrated on the Middle East for a day or two all our problems there would be over’

‘I’m absolutely gobsmacked’ said Robert ‘I’ll have to discuss this with the president’

‘You can’t do that’ said Palinpower ‘I must keep the details of my presidential campaign a secret’

‘If I agree to this’ said Robert ‘you would have to operate strictly to my instructions. I can’t have you going round hitting everyone you take a dislike to’

‘Oh come on’ said Palinpower ‘you have to admit the world would be a better place without Nancy Pelosi’

With that she was gone in a flash leaving Robert to ponder whether it wouldn’t be easier if he put the navy seals on a moose juice diet instead.