As Arnold Schwarzenegger was busy at his desk writing out all his child support checks a flash of light streaked across the skies above and came to rest beside him.

Was it a feral Wikileak or the debt ceiling being raised? No it was Palinpower.

‘Hi Arnie’ said Palinpower ‘just passing so I thought I’d drop in for a chat’

‘Good to see you Palinpower’ said Arnie ‘I thought you were on a bus’

‘I was’ said Palinpower ‘but I’m not sure I had the right ticket. I was thinking of getting on the Republican ticket for the White House but I ended up in Boston’

‘If you want my advice’ said Arnie ‘as one Republican ex-governor to another, I’d stay on the bus if I were you. And with all that shit being heaped on me at the moment I think I’ll come with you’

‘But Arnie’ said Palinpower ‘I can’t shake this feeling that it is my destiny to lead America to a brave new world where the deer, the antelopes and the caribou play and we can all go out and shoot them’

‘Look Palinpower’ said Arnie ‘I think you’re the best thing to hit America since Terminator II but let’s be realistic, there’s about as much chance of you becoming the president as a fart making an impact at a vuvuzela concert’

‘You can’t be serious’ said Palinpower ‘I’m charismatic, sexy, engaging, dynamic, inspiring, did I say charismatic, and what’s more I’m thinking of doing a bus tour round Europe to come up to speed on foreign affairs’

‘Let’s face it’ said Arnie ‘you’ve missed the bus. You were the darling of the Tea Party but now they prefer Bachmann’s tips to yours. Her campaign has an attractive aroma while yours has gone to pot’

‘Come on Arnie’ said Palinpower ‘you have to admit I’m more presidential than her’

‘I think you’re more vice-presidential than her’ said Arnie ‘but I don’t think of either of you as having the presidential qualities of someone truly outstanding like me. For example neither of you has been involved in major scandal and these days that’s an absolute must on a presidential cv. In normal circumstances I’d be happy to help you overcome that omission but I’m in enough trouble as it is’

‘But if I didn’t run for president’ said Palinpower ‘I’d feel I was letting all my fans down’

‘Relax’ said Arnie ‘they’d be just as happy if you starred in a major movie with me instead. You could play a femme fatale in an epic production about my life entitled Adulterator II’

‘But what presidential quality do you think I lack?’ asked Palinpower

‘You lack a certificate of competency’ said Arnie ‘and all I lack is a US birth certificate’

With that Palinpower was gone in a flash leaving Arnie to ponder whether he should have offered her a part in a Superman movie as a flight attendant.