Yap No 26

Big O and I were having a debriefing session on the visit of Hu Jintao the Chinese President.

‘So Big O’ I asked ‘was it a successful visit?’

‘I think so Bo’ said Big O ‘but it’s difficult to tell really. The Chinese are so inscrutable. They didn’t even laugh at Joe Biden’s jokes’

‘Oh no’ I exclaimed ‘I warned you to keep him at a distance. What happened?’

‘Nothing much’ said Big O ‘When Hu arrived at the White House State Dinner Joe asked him if he wanted eat-in or Chinese takeaway’

‘Still I’m sure you put on a great show’ I said ‘with all the best White House china. What did Hu have to say about North Korea?’

‘I told him about your plan’ said Big O ‘to declare the whole country clinically insane and encourage the development of a multiculturally mad society’

‘What did he think?’ I asked

‘He liked the idea’ said Big O ‘but was concerned that Zimbabwe had got there first. He favoured the concept of North Korea becoming more like the US by giving everyone the right to carry guns and shoot each other for the good of the party’

‘What did he have to say about improving human rights in China?’ I asked

‘I don’t think he understood what I was talking about’ said Big O ‘but then Joe said that the last time he was in China he tried to talk to members of the opposition but it was outside prison visiting hours’

‘Oh dear’ I said ‘don’t tell me Joe dropped any other clangers’

‘Only one small thing’ said Big O ‘He told Hu during the session on foreign policy that he’d spotted one or two chinks in their presentation’

‘Did you mention that China Syndrome matter?’ I asked

‘Oh I suppose you’re referring to the theory that Sarah Palin is a Chinese agent under deep cover waiting to be activated to cause untold havoc’ said Big O

‘That’s right’ I said ‘her back garden in Alaska is pretty close to the Chinese border’

‘No I didn’t bring it up’ said Big O ‘I figured that whatever havoc she wreaked in the future it couldn’t compare with what she’s doing now’

‘Pretty tough visit huh?’ I remarked

‘You bet’ he said ‘I feel like I’ve been bowled six chinamen in one over’

‘Very good Big O’ I said ‘I never thought I’d hear you do cricket jokes. So did he ask for his trillion dollar loan back?’

‘No thank goodness’ said Big O ‘He said he loved the fact we owed him so much money and it was a reward for all the ghastly years of communist penury he’d had to suffer. He claimed he’d even been considering the idea of joining the European Union’

‘Jeepers’ I said ‘that would be a disaster. Instead of bailing the US out he’d have to spend his money bailing out Greece, Portugal and Ireland’

‘What should I do?’ asked Big O

‘Tell him we’re ready to borrow another trillion’ I said ‘That should retain his interest and keep the communist in him happy’