Michael and I have often pondered why Will was so attracted to Kate.

I know she’s an absolutely lovely girl, warm and intelligent, but I’m convinced there’s more to it than that.

I believe there’s a natural affinity between his family and ours. We just seemed to him like a natural extension.

Take James for example. Look I know he’s all over the internet with his gear off but thankfully he kept his hand in the right place. He assured me he was just trialling a new line for the Party Pieces product range called the birthday suit. And I was so pleased he followed my instructions to the letter and kept all his clothes on for the bible reading at the wedding.

But Harry and James are so alike. I mean going to a party in a Nazi uniform is much the same sort of thing although Pippa told me that the Windsors used to carry on like that before World War II.

Michael and I are absolutely amazed at all the publicity Pippa’s getting. It’s just like Will’s mum all over again.

Look I was amazed that the press rated Pippa the top bum at the wedding. Our friends reckoned she was lucky because Gordon Brown wasn’t invited.

But Pippa’s got so many other fine qualities which I’m afraid will all get ignored. All this stuff like ‘Ode to Pippa’s Bum’ could mean that people especially men won’t talk to her face to face but rather go behind her back.

My brother Gary reminds me so much of Will’s Uncle Andrew. They’ve both got a history of the wrong friends and the wrong women but the right families.

I was so thankful that Fergie didn’t get invited to the wedding. There’s a strong chance that she and Gary would really have hit it off and that would have led to the News of the World selling like hot cakes, the Queen having another ‘Annus Horribilis’ and the Middleton family being lucky ever to see the inside of the Palace again.

Michael thinks that the Queen and I have a lot in common but I should hasten to say he was not referring to our bums. It could just be that she’s had a son who could be king and I’ve had a daughter who could be Queen. Thankfully it won’t be at the same time.

I must say I’m getting fed up with hearing about all these photos and videos of Pippa and James on the internet in various stages of undress. I’ve told Pippa that as a party organiser I know she needs to research all the latest developments on the party scene but there’s absolutely no chance whatsoever of Party Pieces ever becoming involved in the bunga bunga market.