Yap No 42

‘It’s high time I started campaigning full-time’ said Big O ‘the election is only fourteen months away’

‘I agree’ I said ‘but you shouldn’t be announcing any more policies before then because that’s just asking for trouble’

‘I know’ said Big O ‘but I’ve got no option on jobs. I’ve got to do something’

‘Let’s be frank’ I said ‘the only way you’re going to create jobs is by spending huge amounts of money again and you know what a shitstorm that will cause. It will make Hurricane Irene look like a blow job’

‘Wasn’t that a brilliant idea of mine though’ claimed Big O ‘to schedule my jobs creation address to Congress to coincide with the debate between Republican presidential candidates?’

‘Big O’ I said ‘I hope you’ll forgive me for saying this but no it wasn’t. You’ve been forced to reschedule for the following night at a time when you don’t clash with the Packers-Saints game and so avoid being thirty TV ratings points behind by half-time’

‘But don’t you think’ asked Big O ‘that it makes me look gracious and reasonable?’

‘It makes you look like the third choice behind the Republican candidates and a football game’ I said ‘It could mark the start of a campaign by the Green Bay Packers to take over the presidency’

‘None of those Republican candidates are much of a threat’ said Big O ‘the two main stars are Bachmann and Perry. One’s a diva who’s a falling star and the other’s a sheriff who’s a tin star’

‘Very amusing’ I said ‘but have you decided on the details of the jobs package yet?’

‘Not really’ said Big O ‘but I’m beginning to see a few glimmers of hope. I’m thinking of building lots of roads, fast trains and bridges including a massive freeway right across the country’

‘Be careful’ I said ‘we don’t want to make it any easier for more nut jobs from Alaska to reach Washington. And don’t forget you’ll need a huge work force to raise the debt ceiling. That’s a major reconstruction project which provide employment for years’

‘Do you think I should call it a stimulus package?’ asked Big O

‘No’ I said ‘your last package was about as stimulating as a video of Nancy Pelosi poll-dancing’

‘By the way’ asked Big O ‘what did you think of Dick Cheney’s new book?’

‘I never thought I’d say this’ I said ‘but it made me extremely grateful that nothing terminal happened to George W Bush during his presidency’