If you are one of the many thousands in Australia destined to lose your job courtesy of the ETS do not be alarmed. Kevin and Penny Wong have given an absolute assurance that you will be inundated with green job opportunities.
For a start there will be fulfilling careers in solar energy especially for executives with the sun shining out of their backside.
The potential in windpower is a little more complex. It will definitely help if you live in a windmill on a strict diet of baked beans and artichokes but there will be limited scope for people who simply want to fart around.
The green era will usher in an intriguing range of new technological skills. Householders who rely on recycled gas from their sewerage system for power supplies will need specialised emergency services in the event of power cuts caused by constipation.
There will be lots of green jobs building green houses but greenhouses will not be needed because we shall all be living in one.
It would be such a relief if everyone worked for Greenpeace because there would be no-one left for them to whinge about. The Australian Greens may be a future source of green jobs but so far they’ve only created a Brown one.
In the new green jobs era nothing will be black and white or even grey. Instead of blue collar and white collar jobs there will be green collar which are carbon free and black collar which are Omo free..
The government will issue green papers about green-chip companies keeping their bottom lines in the green by advertising in the Green Pages.
The potential for green jobs in the uranium industry is unclear. Uranium seems green around the world but black in Australia. Scientists are urgently undertaking research aimed at turning yellowcake green.
A massive programme of space exploration is being planned to exploit the incredible green jobs potential from making contact with little green men. The programme is called ‘close encounters of the nine-to-five kind’.
There will be unprecedented green job potential for people with the special talents needed to monitor carbon and greenhouse gas emissions. Their extraordinary nasal sensitivity will enable them to detect emissions which are smokescreens or a blatant attempt to blow smoke up someone’s backside.
Kevin is very positive about the green job opportunities arising from clean coal. This state of the art technology emits carbon downwards instead of upwards by turning power stations upside down. People travelling on underground trains will need to wear face masks and there will be severe smog in the Harbour Tunnel.
It is debatable whether the desalination industry will create green jobs. Some experts reckon they will come in a torrent but others are taking it all with a pinch of salt.
People who are still seeking opportunities in black jobs should consider emigrating to China. There is unlimited potential over there to benefit Australia by developing a huge carbon footprint and driving coal imports.
Tags: Carbon Footprint, Environment, Kevin Rudd, Penny Wong, Solar Power, Wind power
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