Guy the Friday Mash Superfly remained in the US this week after his assignment in Al Gore’s office and managed to find a place on a wall of the conference room at Tiger Wood’s sports management agency when a discussion of post-apology strategies was under way. Here is his exclusive report.
‘Hey guys, I thought the apology went well’
‘Sure thing Mac’ said Huey ‘nice touch of yours about Buddhism. Do you think people spotted that Tiger didn’t write the apology himself?’
‘No way’ said Mac ‘who cares anyhow? The important objective is preserving the Tiger Woods brand. What do you think Carrie?’
‘Absolute brilliant Mac’ said Carrie ‘you guys who wrote the apology did a great job. But I wonder if that’s how Tiger really feels’
‘What do you mean?’ asked Mac ‘That’s what he agreed to say isn’t it?’
‘Yes I know’ said Carrie ‘but there have been reports that he’s been out with bimbos during his sex addiction treatment at the clinic’
‘Well maybe he had to do a bit of fieldwork’ said Mac ‘or maybe they’re weaning him off bimbos gradually. I mean you can’t expect him to go one hundred percent cold turkey’
‘Perhaps he’s had enough of golf’ suggested Huey
‘You have to be joking’ said Mac ‘besides we can’t afford to lose all that revenue. We need Tiger out there hitting the greens to make our profit forecast for the year’
‘No but seriously’ said Huey ‘he’s made all those billions and as he said in the apology he now feels he’s entitled to some matchplay off the golf course’
‘Wait a minute’ said Mac ‘the Tiger Woods brand which is the mark of our genius depicts a loving husband and father who is the world’s greatest golfer’
‘That’s history Mac’ said Carrie ‘you might get away with ‘loving father’ but ‘loving husband’ is about as believable as Sarah Palin becoming a porn movie star’
‘Talking of porn stars’ said Huey ‘you know that one Tiger used to go out with. She’s complaining that Tiger’s been unfaithful to her. Is she kidding? Don’t tell me she’s switched to making documentaries for National Geographic’
‘We’ve got to Tiger back on the golf circuit as soon as possible’ said Mac ‘golf needs it, the public needs it and our bottom line desperately needs it’
‘I’m beginning to think that his future aspirations will be more in the rough than on the fairways’ said Huey ‘I’ve got an idea. Let’s produce a new television series called Tiger and the Desperate Porn Stars. It would be an absolute smash hit and make us a lot more money than golf’
‘And Tiger will be eternally grateful to us’ said Carrie’ for helping him find his true destiny’. ’
‘You’re right’ said Mac ‘Come to think of it I’ve recently had the sort of feeling that Tiger’s ready for something different. I’ll ring up all those porn stars I know and Huey you ring up Tiger’s girlfriends. You’ve been out with all of them’
Friday Mash has been selected for the Australian National Archive
thankyou very much, I have to comment that your blog is amazing!
Thanks for the great info!
I am really impressed by what you have done here. I like the part where you divulge you are doing by purposely excluding banner / Google ads which look crap and after looking through all the comments, this is working for you. Well done!
Despite his marital problems former Vice President Al Gore continues to find time to fight climate change. If everyone tried to follow his lead on global warming something might actually get done. Use less water. The climate crisis can be solved but only with the rapid deployment of technologies in China, the United States and around the world that reduce the pollution that causes global warming.
That’s interesting. I’m from London and see the same thing. Anyway, I’m gonna back tomorrow
For years, Tiger Woods was certainly one of my heroes. He epitomized superiority. Okay, I’m not fantastic, however, if a heroic public figure is found to be so faded, it can take the hero out of heroism. Almost all one has left is “-ism” — idiot, foolish, moron. Is he a great golfer? You bet he is. Possibly he’ll always be viewed as one of the greatest out of them all.
I understand that but where does it take us?
When I am sad, I sing, and then the world is sad with me.