It’s very exciting that countries from all over the world are bringing so many state-of-the-are ideas to the UN Conference in Copenhagen to tackle the challenge of climate change.

The US is planning to decarbonise Smokin’ Joe Frazier, withdraw all CDs by Nat King Coal, reduce deforestation by not chopping down Tiger Woods and take the temperature down a degree or two by throwing a bucket of cold water over Madonna and Paris Hilton.

The UK is undertaking stringent measures like sending all their coals to Newcastle, limiting the greenhouse effect to tomatoes and replacing the twenty-one gun royal salute with a loud government report and an outbreak of the clap.

Frenchmen are resisting attempts to cut their emissions by claiming it would be the unkindest cut of all.

Germany is only going to Copenhagen to bring home the bacon.

New Zealand was ready with a range of brilliant innovations to take to the Conference. However, they are responsible for such a small percentage of the world’s carbon emissions that the Conference organisers told them to wait until the next conference when hopefully they’ll have enough emissions to achieve a decent decrease.

The Taliban will not attend but have promised to reduce their car bomb emissions.

China is planning to reduce their increase rather than increase their decrease although they believe that their increasing decrease will lead to a decrease rather than an increase.

Russia is preparing to reduce emissions by substituting vodka for petrol. Police are currently working on new breath testing technology which can detect both drunken drivers and sober cars. Drivers will be warned not to fill themselves up at vodka stations.

Fiji is reducing carbon footprints by banning the use of coal in firewalking pits.

Berlusconi is increasing his carbon emissions. He’s giving diamonds to all his girl friends.

Japan will decree that people can’t own both a home and a car. They will either have to live in their car or travel around in their home. The government calculates this will save an incredible amount of energy because citizens will be able to travel almost anywhere without leaving home.

The Irish have forgotten to do anything about climate change. Their sins of emission are nothing compared with their sins of omission.

Thirty-odd thousand delegates are attending the UN Conference. It will take the Danish Government years to get rid of a carbon footprint that big.

India has invented vinda loos. They are powered by passing winds.

Ahmadinejad is going nuclear. Hopefully he’ll go far underground and have a practice run as the world’s first nuclear suicide bomber.

Australia has developed a novel way of tackling climate change. Get rid of political leaders like Malcolm who keep banging on about it and make sure that Kevin stays abroad as much as possible then it all seems to go away. Kevin is determined to produce clean coal but experts expect the idea will fall as flat as decarbonated coke.

UN Conference Organisers believed that so many smoke alarms would be sounded by delegates they didn’t install any in the conference hall.