Articles from Society

Hey Hey’s Meant for Aussie’s, Not Yanks - Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

From Guest Writer Chris French
So I thought I would re‐ignite the debate over the controversial Red Faces skit several weeks ago by giving the American media a bit of a hard time.

I should start by saying that I did not consider the act funny and I respect what Harry Connick had to say, after all he is entitled to his opinion and part of me agrees with it.

However I think Joy Behar from the U.S. talk show The View should have a little think about this comment she made the following day.

“I’m not saying that it (racism) is gone, but we are trying to grow as a country and that’s kind of a demeaning sketch that we would never do here anymore.”

Uuuuummmmmm, The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences recently gave Robert Downey Jr. a Best Supporting Actor nomination for doing exactly that in the motion picture Tropic Thunder.

Where was the outrage? Oh wait there wasn’t any. Was that because people found his performance funny? Or is it because we love Ben Stiller movies and accept that he was just trying to entertain us.

The nature of comedy is that in order to get a laugh performers are forced to continually push the boundaries of good taste, and you know what, sometimes they go too far. The unfortunate thing for these performers is that often they don’t know how far over the line they’ve stepped until it’s too late.

Perhaps it’s time we the audience took a bit of responsibility. After all, we demand to be entertained. We push filmmakers, comedians, musicians etc… to provide us with little moments of joy to help us get through the day.

The 2004 movie White Chicks saw two black men dress up like white women, and a sequel is in the works. So does that mean it’s ok for black people to take the piss out of white people? I have no problem with it, but then like most Aussie’s I’m capable of watching a performance or comedy act and accepting it for what it is.

Perhaps American’s take issue with things like this because secretly they feel like they have to. To say the U.S. is far ahead of Australia in terms of civil rights as some U.S. reporters have claimed is absolute garbage. America may be pro black on paper, but I think the reality of the situation is far different. The average black family earns almost $17,000.00 per year less than the national average according to the 2000 Census, while poverty runs near 25% for black people compared to the national average of 12.4%. With someone like George W. Bush being in control up until recently I find it difficult to believe that those figures have changed too much in the past nine years. I think the U.S. feels obliged to take a strong stance internationally because they know that they have a lot to feel ashamed for at home.

Is our nation any better, no, we’re just as bad. The difference is we don’t go and slam other cultures when a comedy act goes wrong. We simply accept that somewhere along the way the intending meaning has got lost in translation.


Chris French is a writer and novelist who has worked many years in television and in the production of movies. An avid social commentator, Chris is also known for his Blog, go to: www.chrisfrench.com.au

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The Heat is On - Friday, October 16th, 2009

Some experts believe it could be 2080 before the effects of carbon emission reduction can be truly assessed and that’s taking into account the virtual certainty that Kevin will be an addition to carbon emissions before them.

It would be nice to think that current affairs in 2080 will have a familiar feel about them like the LNP in Queensland still seeking a federal seat for Peter Dutton, the government still grappling with Wayne’s debts and deficits, Obama still promising to close Gitmo and Malcolm’s approval rating falling to an asterisk.

It is possible that by 2080 global warming will be more perspiration than aberration? Many Aussies could be cooling their heels in Antarctica waiting in vain for the ETS to take effect.

Temperatures in Australia could have become so hot that Perisher Valley is a nudist colony and girls can no longer enjoy going to the hottest place in town with guys who have the hots for them.

By this time Kevin could be capped and traded from the annals of history for introducing an ETS which failed miserably, ignoring nuclear power which had proved outstandingly successful all over the world and spending billions on clean coal to discover its about as viable as a clean joke about John Della Bosca.

There could even be Global Warming Remembrance Day when effigies of Kevin are burnt on top of bonfires and a picture of him is placed by the $100 E-tag collection point on Sydney Harbour Bridge as a reminder of the terrible toll he had taken.

On the other hand temperatures in the Australian of 2080 could be similar to today. A Kevin Thanksgiving public holiday could commemorate his leadership in inspiring his country and the world to become cleaner more pristine places free from carbon emissions, neo-liberals, Malcolm, Wilson Tuckey, Barnaby Joyce and numerous other polluting old farts.

It is interesting to speculate whether in the event of the ETS working the 2080 Aussies would acknowledge the selfless sacrifices made by their predecessors in 2009/10 to ensure they would never experience the same unemployment and rocketing power prices, the fruitless search for green jobs and the endless ranting from Kevin and Penny.

Sad to say they will probably see us as the recession they had to have.

A recent learned thesis argues that the human race is unlikely to last to 2080. Prolonged exposure to the greenhouse effect could infect human kind with the tomato virus rendering us scarlet and full of pips in trusses.

Hopefully 2009 will not be remembered as the year when the UN Conference in Copenhagen to tackle global warming experienced a failure in its solar heating system and most of the delegates had to be treated for hypothermia.

Perhaps it will take until 2080 for the world to wake up to the fact that global warming is simply nature’s way of supplying an abundant source of renewable solar energy.

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Oh What a Feeling - Friday, September 25th, 2009

There are sectors of the community such as rugby league wives and George W Bush supporters who seem destined to suffer more of life’s privations than others. And then there are NSW motorists.

Standout NSW road developments in the modern era include the alternate three-lane two-lane design for the F3 which is capable of creating interminable delays even on light traffic days, the cross-city tunnel which made Sydney very cross indeed and the M5 tunnel with the endemic characteristics of gridlock and toxic shock.

The people responsible for these breath-taking initiatives have never received the acclaim they deserve for their role in promoting the use of public transport. Unfortunately their achievements have been overshadowed by the extraordinary contributions from NSW public transport executives to promoting travel by car.

During peak traffic periods it costs twenty times more to drive across the Sydney Harbour Bridge than it did thirty years ago. That means the government is compounding its failure to provide sufficient trans-harbour road capacity by charging a congestion toll. This is like the Sydney Football Stadium not providing enough entrances and charging extra for queuing.

Traffic Chaos: Photo Provided by Daily Telegraph

Motorists have become a prime government cash cow. The NSW Government recently reduced the demerit point dump on erring motorists realising that if too many are disqualified from driving at the same time they could go broke.

The autobahns in Germany are arguably still the nearest anyone’s come to building safe high-speed motorways. It’s a pity the NSW Roads and Traffic Authority didn’t have the vision in the nineteen-thirties to employ Hitler as their Roads Development Officer.

Both Morris Iemma and Nathan Rees have been guilty of driving NSW Roads and Traffic policy without due care and attention when following a Carr.

Following the huge build-up in traffic congestion and the realisation that the North-West Metro is nothing more than a ghost train, inhabitants of Sydney’s North-Western suburbs are facing the reality that the only way they can commute to the CBD is by taking up marathon running.

Sydney Marathon, Photo sourced from SMH

There is a growing sense in the community that the traffic light system in Sydney is controlled by a terrorist organisation. In most cities traffic lights are regulated to facilitate traffic flow. In Sydney they are regulated to make motorists stop and waste as much time as possible. This is thought to be a new terrorist tactic to break the will of the community by inculcating utter despair. Traffic lights may have become the new terrorist IEDs, insidious extended delayers.

Motorists can look forward to vehicles which reach a maximum speed of 40kph powered by olive oil and speed cameras becoming redundant. The cameras will be replaced by carbon emissions detectors which will impose merciless fines on motorists whose vehicles leave carbon tyreprints.

As the federal and state governments bicker over which of them is more culpable for the condition of the NSW roads infrastructure they can take heart that when they finally bring all traffic in the state to a gridlocked standstill they will receive acclaim for a traffic calming programme which is the envy of the world.

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Handbag Doggy Drama - Friday, July 31st, 2009

I am so glad that I didn’t follow the fashionista set and buy myself one of those cute short legged handbag dogs. Those things are clearly for the under thirties who’s handbags contain only the bare essentials such as lip gloss, paracetamol, credit card, perfume and mobile phone. My industrial sized backpack would have drowned the poor little thing as it tried to reach terra firma through the hair ties, school permission notes, band aids and half eaten apples.

Anyway, practicality aside my friends at the New York Times confirmed what all of us BIG dog lovers always suspected, that these little shorties are genetic mutants made possible by the presence of one rogue gene giving rise to short legs. The genetic mutation is present in Dachshunds and Basset Hounds rendering them perfect for sticking in ones handbag or for using during hunting but not so good when the poor little thing is being chased down by its genetically advantaged cousin, the wolf hound!

Well, I have to go and get the kids from school, now where did my bag walk off to?

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Pig’s Ear - Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

From those wonderful people who brought you the mexican wave and mariachi music comes swine flu which is just as catchy.

Hi Nicola! I just 'flu' in. Give us a kiss

The NSW Government was potentially well-equipped to deal with swine flu through applying measures similar to those developed for equine flu such as quarantining pigs and pig farmers and suspending pig racing.

Kevin took a commendable initiative on swine flu by advising the nation to wash their hands thoroughly and often. The NSW Government took him at his word and washed their hands of the whole thing.

As a result swine flu suspects disembarking from the Pacific Dawn in Sydney were sent merrily on their way to do viral marketing all over Australia. In order to safeguard the future health of the nation experts believe that the next time a cruise ship with a raging epidemic on board is heading for Sydney it should be diverted to New Zealand.

Then the diligent Nicola Roxon intervened with a memorable television appearance.

She announced that up to four million Australians will suffer swine flu. This was a bit of a shock because to that point there were only sixty-six confirmed cases. The community was alarmed rather than alerted by the prospect that there were still up to three million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and thirty-four chances of contracting the disease given the news that Kevin had just tested negative.

But there was more. Nicola revealed that the swine flu virus could mutate during winter and become much more of a threat even causing fatalities. In other words non-sufferers should rush out and kiss a swine flu sufferer as soon as possible so they catch the milder pre-mutation version.

The really good news was that she had ordered ten million doses of swine flu vaccine. However there did appear to be a couple of salient reasons why the vaccine may not be our ultimate saviour. It wont be delivered until after the virus has run amok during winter and it hasn’t been invented yet.

In other mind-numbing developments people smugglers were pleased to announce no drop in bookings for passages to Australia following the swine flu outbreak, pig farmers demanded that people should be quarantined to protect pigs and environmental groups forecast no increase in carbon emissions as a result of swine flu but expected that any fatalities would cause a reduction in carbon footprints.

Following the successful Pacific Dawn test market it is anticipated that tailor-made cruises will be marketed to the burgeoning swine flu sector. As an added attraction face masks will be mandatory for all passengers so it will be impossible to tell whether you’re cruising with your spouse or another case in the epidemic of affairs on cruise ships.

For too long Australia has been bombarded by flu viruses developed in other countries. It is about time we retaliated by exporting roo flu. There are no serious symptoms, it simply makes your temperature hop up and down.

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A Promising Start - Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

The only difference in being on a promise from a politician and a professional virgin is that the outcome from the politician’s promise is often exactly what you were hoping for from the professional virgin.

Political parties gush promises during an election campaign, the electorate is impressed, votes one of them into office, then they renege on their promises, they don’t apologise but blame the opposition, the Office of Fair Trading doesn’t prosecute them and then they wonder why the electorate believes it would be an improvement if they behaved like rugby league players.

This scenario is mainly the fault of John Howard. He introduced the concept of core promises which should be kept and non-core promises which are merely electoral fodder. But no-one ever confirms whether promises are core or non-core and most of them seem to come from rotten apples.

Take the promise of a supermarket price monitoring website made by Kevin at the last election. This was the lance he was to carry as he rode his charger up to the checkouts at Woolworths and Coles to knock off their inflated margins on behalf of working families.

Anyone who knows anything about supermarket chains could have told Kevin that Grocery Choice, as the concept came to be known, was non-core. A helpful John Howard so advised him on a number of occasions but the bold knight was determined to win his maiden joust with the black knights at Woolworths and Coles.

There are thousands of supermarkets in Australia carrying many thousands of products. Prices change on a day to day basis with some supermarkets pursuing individual pricing policies. A certain reluctance on the part of Woolworths and Coles to spend all day every day communicating price changes to Grocery Choice is understandable. Equally understandable is a reluctance to immediately alert their competitors every time they make a price change.

Perhaps the key reason why the supermarket chains were less than enthusiastic about the scheme was their policy of keeping prices as high as their competition will allow rather than as low as Kevin would like.

Following the last election Chris Bowen, the Consumer Affairs Minister, spent hours on TV and radio explaining how Grocery Choice would save squillions for working families. Even Kerry O’Brien told him to was a dud, but the bold knight stood behind him with his lance ready to join forces with the Bowen arrow.

Now we get the shattering news that Grocery Choice is a broken promise or lance. Thirteen million dollars was spent trying to get Woolworths and Coles onside and the government didn’t even get any Fly Buys.

For his inspired efforts in the failure of Grocery Choice, wasting millions of dollars and failing to get Fuel Watch up as well Chris Bowen has been promoted to Assistant Treasurer. Heaven knows what high office he would have graced if he had succeeded. Perhaps even Kevin would’ve had to move over..

Chris’ successor as Consumer Affairs Minister, Craig Emerson, has been showered with praise in government circles for his wisdom and decisiveness in canning one of the government’s key election promises.

Kevin hasn’t said much. He couldn’t really be expected to take responsibility and it was impossible to blame John Howard.

And as for working families they can carry on paying the price at Woolworths and Coles. There’s always the next election and the promise of better things to come.

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